Frankly Speaking Blog
You see, many of us are trying real hard. We sincerely desire good success.
Something in us keeps urging us to do more and go further as we are definitely better than where, and how we are currently. We can be happier, richer, wealthier; healthier, we can definitely achieve more, control more, secure more freedom, impact more and live our dream life.
Yes we know we can, and we're working really hard despite all odds, but it appears the more we make the effort, the more difficult things become and the further away whatever we're chasing appears to soar.
Yes, it's true many of us are trying really hard, so how come things are not just falling into place like they should? Why are things not gelling? What exactly is missing, what are we not doing right?
Many of us have decided to stop the blame game and take responsibility, still the struggle persists? In fact the bad situation is escalating, So what next now?
What is a good life? Do you have a personal definition, a concept or idea of what your good life means? As you run around, work hard, dream, plan and make sacrifices daily, at what point exactly would you say you’ve apprehended whatever it is you’re chasing? Do you know exactly what it is you’re chasing?
It is possible some of us aren’t chasing anything in life but mere survival. Our daily effort is towards the ability to pay all our bills and secure social relevance. We want to align with our contemporaries. When our mates buy cars, we buy too, when they dress well we dress as well, when they send their kids to good schools, we do the same school, when they build their houses we follow suit and build ours just like it too, when they are spending good money, we ensure we’re not left out and try to match them. All out hope and desire is to ensure we are not embarrassed or relegated in social rating. Our approach to life is that ambition to catch up and meet up.
There are some other people whose lives are driven by the desire to intimidate and oppress others. The primary motive for all they do is prove they are superior or better than their contemporaries. They assume the role of the trend setter - they make choices and activate plans purely to impress or oppress others. They are excellent at showing off their wealth, achievements and successes; simply to make other people jealous, envious; inferior or feel like failures.
There are some philosophies shared and counsel delivered to many of us in life, where in, they sound very good and appropriate but in reality, it is impracticable.
I've heard many people insist happiness is a choice, happiness is something you create by yourself, don't let anyone upset you, don't let anyone get to you, ignore this; ignore that, don't let it affect you, don't let anyone's behaviour make you feel bad or upset, be strong emotionally and all that.
These advice and counsel sound really wise but I assure you, it can at times be unrealistic. You see, human beings are designed with emotions, we are designed to feel any and every form of word, act and attitude directed towards us either good or bad. The life wire of our co-existence as mankind is in our ability to feel one another – our emotions; it is what empowers us, motivates us, and inspires most of what we do. We act and react based on feelings – our emotions. Even when we choose to be logical, it is still an emotional decision to get rid of sentiments. Being objective is the decision to act outside of our real feelings in order to achieve a desired end. Being emotional hence, is basically being human.
I couldn’t help but listen to the conversation of two children about ten years in age at an event I attended recently. Parents came along with their kids to this birthday celebration after church service that Sunday afternoon and I sat in a corner, quiet as I was exhausted and just wanted to rest – be by myself.
These two boys were having this interesting conversation. They were friends and were both in JSS1. One of the boys was complaining and lamenting to the other one about how he felt denied by his parents; things other kids appear to enjoy with ease.
He was complaining to his friend with a tone of envy, how they no longer subscribe to satellite television and can’t watch their interesting TV programs any more. He also complained about putting on the generator for only two hours every day compared to several hours in time past. He also complained about delay in the payment of school fees and how they’ve had to withdraw from their beloved school clubs because his parents wouldn’t pay the club dues anymore. He also talked about all the nice sneakers and nice clothes he would want to have like his friend, but he couldn’t have them.
Any significant progress in history occurred because someone decided to take the lead and influence others to pursue an agenda, resist an order or transform a process. The social nature of mankind is to always have a leader – one person that will take the lead and others would follow. For any great success to occur, leadership is essential.
I believe there are so many issues in our lives, and societies many aren't comfortable with and we'd very much want to see drastic improvements. But in our small corners and conservative worlds, we believe we are too insignificant to influence or drive a major change. We look at ourselves and feel too small and insignificant to make any significant impact.
You'll agree with me there are some Nigerians the rest of us hold responsible for everything that goes wrong or right in this country. They are popularly referred to as our leaders. In counting, they are probably less than a hundred but every issue bothering on our nationhood, the remaining 190 million of us hold these less than 100 people responsible. We also popularly believe they are the most influential.
Think with me this morning, how many of these very influential national leaders were born with the positions and titles and powers they hold today? How many of them even come from influential or privilege backgrounds? How many of them were born famous, popular or prominent? How many of them inherited the power, authority, name and positions they hold today from their parents? Probably none, or extremely few.
To console ourselves and justify our insignificance, many of us choose to believe these powerful leaders must have indulged in very ominous and mean dealings to become powerful and influential
Wikipedia describes Growth as a positive change in size, and/or maturation, often over a period of time. Growth can occur as a stage of maturation or a process toward fullness or fulfilment.
Every living organism is expected to grow in size or maturation for them to manifest certain traits or capacities and in return deserve or earn some entitlements.
Dear friend, you may not be too happy about your progress and accomplishments thus far in life. You may consider your age today and conclude there are some things you ought to have owned, achieved or accomplished but these things still appear to be very far away from you.
You see, the basic thinking many of us hold about growth is mostly age related, not maturity. We just believe and assume there are some certain things we are entitled to or should earn because we're old enough. Unfortunately, life doesn't serve that way.
It is expected that many of us would fight hard against restrain and constriction when it comes to matters of success in life. We're willing to do all we think is necessary to move from one level of success to another. We work hard, we study hard, we network, we acquire new and essential skills, we hanker for information and required knowledge for performance and good success and after all these, for many, we still hardly make significant progress in our dream direction.
Of course happiness is the ultimate thing in life. We want to be happy with and about different issues of life. Our relationships, our spirituality, our health, our finances, family life, businesses and career. We want to do so well at all these so that we can become happier in life. But unfortunately, despite our efforts, struggles commitment and sacrifice, it seems really hard apprehending that which we really want in all these areas.
Subsequently we have tied it all up to the grace of God and for some, mere luck. We believe one day, God will remember us and show us favour and mercy. We believe one day our luck will shine and we shall succeed in our pursuits.
Ladies and gentlemen, yes, there is grace and definitely there is luck, but guess what, success is also predictable. It can be planned, pursued and apprehended. Success operates through respecting established principle, it's never accidental by nature.
The world's system is such that you need other people and their resources to survive and be comfortable. All that you need to live a healthy, comfortable and secured life is not entirely within your control, hence, the need for continuous exchange and transaction – offering what you have for all you need.
Money is what represents value when it comes to exchange of goods and services. You have a skill, you have a service; you have a product that you want to exchange for something you lack but need? Money makes it happen. The barter era is no longer the primary process of value exchange, nowadays, you'll offer what you have, receive money payments, then offer the money for something else you need.
Money has become extremely important to all mankind if one is to survive, live a decent life and even fulfil dreams, vision and destiny. Money has become quite key.
A blessing is an act of approval for someone to be favoured or promoted. It is an authorisation by a superior being to favour, promote, enrich, support, endorse or enhance a lesser individual.
A blessing can be divinely bestowed by the almighty or by a mere mortal with the capacity to do so.
I think more than anything else, what we all desire especially in Nigeria is that grace to be blessed. We want to be blessed. In all we do we want to be blessed. As individuals, as families, regarding the work of our hands, in business, financially, materially, in marriage and relationships and as a nation we all want to be blessed.
Hence, many of us are religious inclined in our ways – living lives, following instructions, doctrines, rules, guidelines and principles that will please God and may eventually attract divine blessings.
We all want to be favoured, promoted, enhanced, protected, enriched, enlarged, and made great.
We want favour all around, increase all around, multiplication in all we have, back to back promotion at work and we want to be lifted far above all our enemies. We want to be blessed which of course is a very good thing.
One of the many lessons I've learnt that has helped me in managing people and my relationships rather well thus far, is the ability to listen not just to what people say but what they are not saying as well. In many discussions bothering on relationships, when people opt to become sentimental and subjective, they really don't tell the truth about their reasons for hurt or disappointments and why they are mad at you, they most times look for an excuse or fathom a story to justify their negative dispositions towards you.
Let me make this clearer, dear friend, many times close people are actually angry at you and are unhappy with you because you are successful and doing well in life. They will never disclose this to you because they will appear awful and they know, so they start looking for faults in every way possible to make it look like it's your fault, you're the problem, you're the bad guy and their upset should be admissible.
They at times shockingly claim you're proud, arrogant, selfish, greedy, condescending or disrespectful. When in truth your continuous back to back success that appears pretty easy and seamless compared to their own experience is their real pain and upset. Of course no sane person will look you in the eye and say to you they're mad at you and fighting you because you're doing well in life. Such a one will be termed a witch or a warlock especially in our society. However, this reality my friend is the basis for many relationship crisis and problems in our lives and our society at large.
A Potential is having or showing the capacity to develop into something in the future. I want you to take a good look at yourself this morning, just think of you and consider how far you have grown and developed over the years. Remember, if you can, the cute and lovely you as a kid of five years old, how you used to jump and play and run around the whole place and get excited and attracted to so many kiddie stuff like toys, cartoon movies and just playing and having fun with other little kids your age.
Then with time you evolved, became older and more mature. You became a teenager and other things began to interest you, began to attract you and occupy you. You also changed in appearance. You became bigger, more masculine or feminine in appearance, your body changed and your adulthood began to emerge. Then at last you became a full grown adult. And of course, teenage stuff was no longer that exciting or attractive; your thinking, priorities, interest, activities and perspectives in life changed considerably, and you began to behave differently from when you were a teenager – from when you were a child.
Dear friend, do you realise how you are today in physical appearance was not acquired from the outside? You always had it on your inside. Your adult body features were not acquired from the environment, the market place or the hospital, you had it all along on the inside of you even as a child. You didn't buy your beard, or buy your natural hips, backside, boobs or your husky voice; your height or your matured looks, you always had these features in you right from when you were a little child. These features with time materialised and became obvious – making you a very good looking and attractive adult simply because you didn't stop feeding. You ate and drank everyday of your life. You protected your body and stayed healthy; and with time, the beautiful matured you that was hidden in your same body as a child man
Many of us today are not very happy or confident in life as perhaps we do not understand life well enough. We are aware of some things that have happened and some things that could happen but we hardly understand or seek to take note or decipher why they happened.
The world is set in a particular order. The world is about people, territories, events and purpose. Living things play a critical role in the unfolding of events strongly supported by non-living things. The non-living is made for the living to thrive and excel.
The inorganic constitute the materials and resources provided by the creator for mankind to utilise and make this world and living an awesome, remarkable, beautiful and excellent experience.
You see, the earth was created and finished by God but not the world. The earth is a territory, but the world is a system operating on territory earth. God the maker created and finished the earth. But He created a pattern for the world sustaining it through various laws and handed the concept to mankind to build and complete. God made the earth but gave man the charge to create a beautiful world on the earth He made. The earth is a territory; a very rich place. But the world is a system of lifestyle, livelihood, innovation, creativity, development, administration and social structure.
In the recruitment arm of our business we naturally have encounters with many young graduates who are in dire need of employment. They have the paper qualifications alright but can't just seem to scale through the recruitment process successfully due to their short comings in capacity, mindset and mentality.
It's sad that over the years, many of us have jettisoned that personal sense of responsibility for so many things in our lives. In reaction to many matters of life, either personally or generally speaking, most of us tend to easily hold others responsible for our failures and give ourselves too much credit for the few successes we record.
Typically, when someone scales through a job interview successfully, they rejoice and boast about how well they prepared, performed, prayed and eventually succeeded. If on the other hand they do not scale through, they would hardly admit they had anything to do with it, they'd rather blame it on the interviewer being too strict, the process being irrelevant and complex or simply conclude the employers already have their candidates in mind and the interview was just mere formalities.
These are conclusions based on convenient assumptions without any proof, yet we choose to believe it's the fact simply because we do not want to admit we did not do well enough to earn the employment.
This experience is not just with recruitment or employment, that's the way many of us respond or react to many life issues. When things go right, we take the credit, when things don't go right we reject responsibility and put the blame on someone, something, the process or the institution.
As mankind our emotions are very powerful. Our emotions basically are expressed through the way we feel towards different things and situations. We are somethings happy, sometimes glad, sometimes sad; sometimes miserable, we get angry sometimes and some other times indifferent. At every point in time in our life, we are exhibiting one or more of the many emotions we're capable of expressing as human beings.
Our emotions, most times determine our actions. Many of us act most of the time based on what we feel. Our good deed or bad deeds are all informed and influenced by how we feel at that point in time. This implies our emotions play a critical role in the unfolding of our lives every day.
As people, we've lost great friends, great relationships, great opportunities and advantages based on our emotions, actions and reactions. And we've gained great people, privileges and advantages based on how we expressed our emotions to certain people and in certain circumstances.
As older kids, teenagers and young adults, we had dreams of very brilliant, bright and successful future. We nursed dreams about our lifestyles, life qualities, family lives, achievements, accomplishments and even riches.
We dreamt about certain kind of cars, beautiful houses in classy neighbourhoods, travels and vacations to exotic spots, and a very fancy lifestyle in general.
Never did we dream, anticipate or plan for a future of insufficiency, financial struggle, deprivation, constraints and limitation, we wanted a limitless experience in life. We wanted to dream and bring all our dreams to pass.
Many of us hardly planed for a regular life or an average income, as young people we never planned to be broke, restricted or helpless. We dreamt so big and our dreams got us excited and made us smile.
Even now, speaking to many young people about their future, most of what you'll hear are great things they want to do, own and accomplish. All great and magnificent stuff; nothing small, nothing minor, nothing regular.
From Christ Society International Outreach under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
Tweets by @franklyafolabi