Frankly Speaking Blog
In a materialistic society like ours, the way you appear, what you wear, how you carry yourself and how people choose to see you is how they'll treat you either good or bad.
As typical Nigerians, on first encounter with people, we tend to judge by the person's immediate appearance. Even after we become a bit familiar with that person, we rate the person more by possessions, positions and power rather than intelligence, character or good nature.
If subsequently we sense the person doesn't have much materially, isn't highly placed or not so famous or influential, we lose appreciation and basic respect for such a one. In a situation when we feel we have a higher level of power, possession and prosperity than such a one, we automatically assume a dominant role in the relationship and in fact demand respect from such a person even if the person is older or more advanced in life.
Many years ago in my days of paid employment, I used to work in a team of marketing experts with excellence driven, extremely intelligent and competent leadership.
In our Monday morning meetings each one of managers were expected to report on their various bits and obtain guidance, advice and support from other members of the team.
This experience was not a piece of cake; your report must be tight, accurate, flawless and coherent. If by any chance there is a gap in your report or an indication you didn’t address an issue you reported sufficiently, you’re definitely going to come under severe fire and criticism by many members of the team, they won’t stop unless and until our director intervened.
Consequently, these meetings became a much revered experience, for some of us it became an emotional struggle or battle as it were, we would work hard crossing the Is and dotting the Ts to make sure we’re not the scape goat of any of these meetings.
The superiority of your knowledge, ideas and intelligence wouldn’t be obvious if you lack the capacity to convey effectively to concerned persons and groups.
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Loneliness is not being alone, it’s not a situation where no one is around; loneliness is when in the midst of many people you still feel very much alone. Loneliness is a consequence of lack of connection. When no one around connects with you emotionally and psychologically, you feel lonely. If loneliness is just about being alone, it can never occur on a planet of 7 billion people. Loneliness is simply disconnection from people that matter in your life.
In the recruitment arm of our business we naturally have encounters with many young graduates who are in dire need of employment. They have the paper qualifications alright but can't just seem to scale through the recruitment process successfully due to their short comings in capacity, mindset and mentality.
It's sad that over the years, many of us have jettisoned that personal sense of responsibility for so many things in our lives. In reaction to many matters of life, either personally or generally speaking, most of us tend to easily hold others responsible for our failures and give ourselves too much credit for the few successes we record.
Typically, when someone scales through a job interview successfully, they rejoice and boast about how well they prepared, performed, prayed and eventually succeeded. If on the other hand they do not scale through, they would hardly admit they had anything to do with it, they'd rather blame it on the interviewer being too strict, the process being irrelevant and complex or simply conclude the employers already have their candidates in mind and the interview was just mere formalities.
Success is as varied as we are. Success is not universal in manifestation, it's as unique as we are unique in our persons. This implies your success is not my success and my success is not your success. My own success would depend on my dreams, vision, ambition, action and results. If these are different from yours, then my success cannot be same as yours.
Using money as a denominator, success for me may be 10 million naira net worth by year end. And for some other person, 10 million naira bank balance by the end of this year is utter failure and a cause to be worried. So even if it's the same interest, we still vary in our ambition and definition of success.
Dear friend, what is your definition of success? What is success to you? Without a well-defined personal success notion, you'll become confused in life and will lack a required sense of direction.
Your success journey begins with having a personal vision and a dream.
Many of us live very busy lives. We are actually very busy. We have so much to do that a day appears not to be enough. From dawn to dusk we are up and about doing one thing or the other, chasing one thing or the other. We can be busy with formal and serious affairs and we can also be busy at pleasurable and entertaining matters. It doesn't really matter which one of both is keeping us occupied, we are just a crew of busy people. It'll amaze you how someone can labour and work tirelessly towards organising a party and this same person will stay awake all night preparing for exams or a presentation or project at work. For pleasure, leisure, adventure or progress in life, most of us are very busy.
The delusion of a busy life is the assumption or suggestion that you're working very hard in life, so you should automatically have something to show for it. Unfortunately, being busy is not the same as being productive so you can be very busy and still have nothing much to show. It's possible to be busy but still broke, backward and regressive.
This confusion is the reason many become paranoid and begin to believe they have spiritual problems hence consult spiritualists to help them tackle the spirit of backwardness and the spirit of the snail. The reality is, many are busy, hardworking and diligent but not productive. Unfortunately, life does not truly reward hard work, life pays only for productivity. It's what is produced - the product, that money is exchanged for, not the labour or activity.
It is very common today to find people with great and exciting dreams and ambitions without making moves or with activities directed towards fulfilling these ambitions.
Engage anyone long enough on a heart to heart discussion these days and you will hear them confess their exact feelings towards the way they live right now and the preferred one they really wish for and want.
Truth is, many today are living for life not living their lives. How do I mean? Many people's daily actions are reactions to their situations and circumstances. Many are not deliberate or in charge of their choices and are not deciding what they really want in life. They accept whatever life throws at them and submit to the dictates of conditions and situations.
Think with me today and review your own life as is today? If it were your decision to make, would you still be in your current place of employment or you'll be in another? Would you settle for your current monthly income or you'll prefer much more? Would you still be living in your current abode or will prefer a different kind of apartment in a better neighbourhood? If you have a choice, wouldn't you want to be free to do what you want, when you want and the way you want without the fear or excess control of a boss or employer?
Your life quality and standard of living; will this be it if it was all a matter of just talking and doing nothing?
You see, many of us are trying real hard. We sincerely desire good success.
Something in us keeps urging us to do more and go further as we are definitely better than where, and how we are currently. We can be happier, richer, wealthier; healthier, we can definitely achieve more, control more, secure more freedom, impact more and live our dream life.
Yes we know we can, and we're working really hard despite all odds, but it appears the more we make the effort, the more difficult things become and the further away whatever we're chasing appears to soar.
Yes, it's true many of us are trying really hard, so how come things are not just falling into place like they should? Why are things not gelling? What exactly is missing, what are we not doing right?
Many of us have decided to stop the blame game and take responsibility, still the struggle persists? In fact the bad situation is escalating, So what next now?
What is a good life? Do you have a personal definition, a concept or idea of what your good life means? As you run around, work hard, dream, plan and make sacrifices daily, at what point exactly would you say you’ve apprehended whatever it is you’re chasing? Do you know exactly what it is you’re chasing?
It is possible some of us aren’t chasing anything in life but mere survival. Our daily effort is towards the ability to pay all our bills and secure social relevance. We want to align with our contemporaries. When our mates buy cars, we buy too, when they dress well we dress as well, when they send their kids to good schools, we do the same school, when they build their houses we follow suit and build ours just like it too, when they are spending good money, we ensure we’re not left out and try to match them. All out hope and desire is to ensure we are not embarrassed or relegated in social rating. Our approach to life is that ambition to catch up and meet up.
There are some other people whose lives are driven by the desire to intimidate and oppress others. The primary motive for all they do is prove they are superior or better than their contemporaries. They assume the role of the trend setter - they make choices and activate plans purely to impress or oppress others. They are excellent at showing off their wealth, achievements and successes; simply to make other people jealous, envious; inferior or feel like failures.
There are some philosophies shared and counsel delivered to many of us in life, where in, they sound very good and appropriate but in reality, it is impracticable.
I've heard many people insist happiness is a choice, happiness is something you create by yourself, don't let anyone upset you, don't let anyone get to you, ignore this; ignore that, don't let it affect you, don't let anyone's behaviour make you feel bad or upset, be strong emotionally and all that.
These advice and counsel sound really wise but I assure you, it can at times be unrealistic. You see, human beings are designed with emotions, we are designed to feel any and every form of word, act and attitude directed towards us either good or bad. The life wire of our co-existence as mankind is in our ability to feel one another – our emotions; it is what empowers us, motivates us, and inspires most of what we do. We act and react based on feelings – our emotions. Even when we choose to be logical, it is still an emotional decision to get rid of sentiments. Being objective is the decision to act outside of our real feelings in order to achieve a desired end. Being emotional hence, is basically being human.
I couldn’t help but listen to the conversation of two children about ten years in age at an event I attended recently. Parents came along with their kids to this birthday celebration after church service that Sunday afternoon and I sat in a corner, quiet as I was exhausted and just wanted to rest – be by myself.
These two boys were having this interesting conversation. They were friends and were both in JSS1. One of the boys was complaining and lamenting to the other one about how he felt denied by his parents; things other kids appear to enjoy with ease.
He was complaining to his friend with a tone of envy, how they no longer subscribe to satellite television and can’t watch their interesting TV programs any more. He also complained about putting on the generator for only two hours every day compared to several hours in time past. He also complained about delay in the payment of school fees and how they’ve had to withdraw from their beloved school clubs because his parents wouldn’t pay the club dues anymore. He also talked about all the nice sneakers and nice clothes he would want to have like his friend, but he couldn’t have them.
Any significant progress in history occurred because someone decided to take the lead and influence others to pursue an agenda, resist an order or transform a process. The social nature of mankind is to always have a leader – one person that will take the lead and others would follow. For any great success to occur, leadership is essential.
I believe there are so many issues in our lives, and societies many aren't comfortable with and we'd very much want to see drastic improvements. But in our small corners and conservative worlds, we believe we are too insignificant to influence or drive a major change. We look at ourselves and feel too small and insignificant to make any significant impact.
You'll agree with me there are some Nigerians the rest of us hold responsible for everything that goes wrong or right in this country. They are popularly referred to as our leaders. In counting, they are probably less than a hundred but every issue bothering on our nationhood, the remaining 190 million of us hold these less than 100 people responsible. We also popularly believe they are the most influential.
Think with me this morning, how many of these very influential national leaders were born with the positions and titles and powers they hold today? How many of them even come from influential or privilege backgrounds? How many of them were born famous, popular or prominent? How many of them inherited the power, authority, name and positions they hold today from their parents? Probably none, or extremely few.
To console ourselves and justify our insignificance, many of us choose to believe these powerful leaders must have indulged in very ominous and mean dealings to become powerful and influential
Wikipedia describes Growth as a positive change in size, and/or maturation, often over a period of time. Growth can occur as a stage of maturation or a process toward fullness or fulfilment.
Every living organism is expected to grow in size or maturation for them to manifest certain traits or capacities and in return deserve or earn some entitlements.
Dear friend, you may not be too happy about your progress and accomplishments thus far in life. You may consider your age today and conclude there are some things you ought to have owned, achieved or accomplished but these things still appear to be very far away from you.
You see, the basic thinking many of us hold about growth is mostly age related, not maturity. We just believe and assume there are some certain things we are entitled to or should earn because we're old enough. Unfortunately, life doesn't serve that way.
It is expected that many of us would fight hard against restrain and constriction when it comes to matters of success in life. We're willing to do all we think is necessary to move from one level of success to another. We work hard, we study hard, we network, we acquire new and essential skills, we hanker for information and required knowledge for performance and good success and after all these, for many, we still hardly make significant progress in our dream direction.
Of course happiness is the ultimate thing in life. We want to be happy with and about different issues of life. Our relationships, our spirituality, our health, our finances, family life, businesses and career. We want to do so well at all these so that we can become happier in life. But unfortunately, despite our efforts, struggles commitment and sacrifice, it seems really hard apprehending that which we really want in all these areas.
Subsequently we have tied it all up to the grace of God and for some, mere luck. We believe one day, God will remember us and show us favour and mercy. We believe one day our luck will shine and we shall succeed in our pursuits.
Ladies and gentlemen, yes, there is grace and definitely there is luck, but guess what, success is also predictable. It can be planned, pursued and apprehended. Success operates through respecting established principle, it's never accidental by nature.
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