Frankly Speaking Blog
Many of us have experienced losses in our lives in time past. We've lost very precious things, people, relationships and opportunities. Many of us can even now begin to remember that good friend that we lost, relationships that we lost, marriages that we lost, jobs that we lost, businesses that we lost, positions that we lost and good feelings we can't connect with any longer.
Many of us, by the reason of some tough things we went through have lost our confidence, our pride, our self-esteem and our happiness. Many of us have lost many valuable things in time past in our lives.
Dear friend, truth is, your ability to obtain and retain most things in your life is not about luck or good fortune but personality. If you really think about it, most of the things you gained and lost in your life must have been a matter of coincidence and happenstance. Those things just came into your life; you were just at the right place at the right time with the right people when you obtained. You really didn't deliberately pursue and obtain. These things, these people, these opportunities came and left just as they came. Not all, most.
The reason many of what you had and lost left your life is simply because you perhaps lacked the capacity to retain them. You perhaps, lacked the required wisdom, maturity, knowledge and skills to retain all those good things you obtained but eventually lost.
And there we were having this interesting discussion with some younger people after a recording session at the studio. A couple of millennia who had very strong opinions about life. They held some powerful views about relationships, money, success, marriage, politics and even people. I paid attention to all they had to say and to be honest it got me worried how sincerely wrong they were on their views about most of these subjects.
They didn't know very much but they thought they did. Their strongly held beliefs about these subjects especially money, marriage and success were based on what they had seen in movies, found on social media and in gist with their peers.
Their opinions were so unrealistic, had no depth, quite superficial and they spoke as if everything required to succeed in life depended solely on them.
They spoke as though they could never get it wrong in marriage, they believed hard work was all they needed to succeed and they concluded the older generation don't really know much about this life.
The reason many of us fall short of success many times is because we do not clearly define what we want in life. I want a car, I want a house, I want a lot of money, I want to travel overseas, I want to school abroad, I want to own a business, I want to get married will all remain a pipe dream without a definite and clear stating of exactly what you want.
For example, if you want to buy a car, don't just say you want to buy a car and end it there, identify the brand you want, the colour you want, find out how much it costs and activate a plan towards the particular day you want to pay for the car. This should also apply to other exciting dreams and things you want to acquire in life.
When you do not define your desires clearly, when a clear mental picture of what you want is not in place, when a time plan for accomplishment is absent, failure, my dear friend is imminent.
For example, It is quite stressful and wrongly timed to begin to make plans to replace your car when it is already old and problematic. You'll probably end up buying anything that comes your way as long as it's better than the one you currently have. You don't begin to plan and prepare for a car replacement when the car begins to age, no, you start planning towards a replacement, from the very first day you buy a new car. This habit will save you a lot of trouble and stress when it comes to achieving dreams and visions in life.
Ladies and gentlemen, for your life to be meaningful, it must be coordinated and organised around clearly defined purposes.
It is very common today to find people with great and exciting dreams and ambitions without making moves or with activities directed towards fulfilling these ambitions.
Engage anyone long enough on a heart to heart discussion these days and you will hear them confess their exact feelings towards the way they live right now and the preferred one they really wish for and want.
Truth is, many today are living for life not living their lives. How do I mean? Many people's daily actions are reactions to their situations and circumstances. Many are not deliberate or in charge of their choices and are not deciding what they really want in life. They accept whatever life throws at them and submit to the dictates of conditions and situations.
Think with me today and review your own life as is today? If it were your decision to make, would you still be in your current place of employment or you'll be in another? Would you settle for your current monthly income or you'll prefer much more? Would you still be living in your current abode or will prefer a different kind of apartment in a better neighbourhood? If you have a choice, wouldn't you want to be free to do what you want, when you want and the way you want without the fear or excess control of a boss or employer?
Your life quality and standard of living; will this be it if it was all a matter of just talking and doing nothing?
For any business to grow and expand, the business managers must be very good at finding and retaining the right customers. Every business in the world today has the potential of becoming a billion dollar company no matter what they're into. The ability to persuade and convince millions or even billions of potential customers all over the world to buy from them will determine how rich they become.
The wealth and success of any business is directly linked to the size and number of customers they have. If you're selling even pure water, if you sell 1 million sachets at 5 naira to 1 million people every day, you make 5 million naira a day. For a month - that is 30 days, you'll make 150 million naira. I do not think there's any paid employee in Nigeria who currently earns a hundred million naira as salary every month. Salary will earn you a living, business would earn you a lifestyle of your dreams. Anyway, that's by the way.
Growing and retaining your customers is very critical to your business success.
For many years the emphasis by business owners and marketing practitioners has been on the ability to grow and retain your customers. Business owners are encouraged and trained on how to identify their customers, segment the market, and understand their customers. They periodically through research, study and understand the buying behaviours and attitudes of their customers.
Customer service is a big deal to any growing and thriving business. Employees are trained in the art of customer service -,"the customer is always right" has become a generally acceptable cliché in the business world.
As realistic as the challenge of separation is in life, it is not an easy experience. Being apart from people, places and experiences we're used to and passionate about can be really hard for some of us to cope with. There are some of us who naturally think deeply and feel deeply on the account of our temperament. For those of us wired this way, unwanted separation can really be difficult.
I know people who lost friends and lovers and for many years couldn't recover as much as they tried. I know people who were dumped by ex-lovers and even some who got divorced and they remember and lament and mourn about the experience every single day. For them, it's been so hard moving on from the experience.
As natural and as guaranteed as separation is in life, for some of us, it is very difficult for us to cope with.
Two basic emotions make it difficult for many to move on from disappointments brought about by separation; first, Offence, second, guilt.
When we can't handle separation it's perhaps because we actually interpret it as rejection hence, it hits directly on our self-esteem. When a close friend, a lover or someone intimate walks away, we immediately feel low and worthless. We sometimes feel used or misused especially if we've invested so much in time, emotions and cash in the relationship.
We feel the other party used us, took advantage of us and played us for a fool. Most times we even yearn for a way to hit back or retaliate but it's hard to hurt someone who no longer has emotional ties or feelings for us.
Separation from people, situation, experiences and levels in life is natural whether you like it or you don't. If you don't walk away from people they will eventually walk away from you. Even if you all swear to stick together for life, I assure you time, chance and situations will separate all of you. If you don't leave an employment, you will eventually be asked to leave one day, if you don't walk away from a group, they may eventually disconnect from you; even ultimately in life your own children will separate from you as adults to form their own homes.
Separation is a tough but natural challenge in life. Ignoring the reality or wishing it away therefore is not the wisest approach. What we all must do, is master the coping mechanism when eventually we have to separate from people, places, situations, levels and conditions.
Many times we envision separation in its extreme, like when it has to do with a divorce or even death. But there are some mild kind of separations that also hurt and can affect us even if it isn't that grievous.
As human beings we are emotional by nature. We get passionately attached to people, things, experiences, a condition and a style of living. When we get so attached, it becomes very difficult letting go even when it becomes absolutely necessary.
You see, our lives as humans is designed to be progressive, we ought to keep moving on from one level to another, from one phase to another, from one season to another and from one level of success to the next.
We experience transformation daily: physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically. We naturally transform from being children to becoming adults physically. This transformation is what we call physical maturity.
Maturity is also the ability to grow the person within. It is emotional and psychological development. This maturity shows when we're able to cope with tough situations, manage crisis or painful experiences without destructive reactions from us. A matured person is that one with the capacity to control and effectively manage his emotions.
I have tried to study life and people and as a student of history, I’ve come to know there is no point in time when mankind in any nation, city or community was absolutely free from trouble, challenges, setbacks, crisis or tragedy. The story of mankind is essentially that of survival and in truth, most of the survivors are the strong ones and some few lucky ones.
The never-say-die spirit in the mature ones of old, who survived very difficult times like wars, and famines, and economic depressions and outbreaks of diseases and political suppressions is the reason we have a world or nation we can call our own today.
Ladies and gentlemen, crying, lamenting, cursing and analysing our daily challenges in life and as citizens today may not really be of great personal benefit if we refuse to rise up to address our personal weaknesses, limitations and inhibitions. We need to arise and survive as strong men and women in this season. Yes, we can speak out against anything we find inappropriate in our society but to assume our lives will automatically become better simply because the economy has improved without personally lifting a finger to help yourself is a pipe dream.
Wikipedia describes Growth as a positive change in size, and/or maturation, often over a period of time. Growth can occur as a stage of maturation or a process toward fullness or fulfilment.
Every living organism is expected to grow in size or maturation for them to manifest certain traits or capacities and in return deserve or earn some entitlements.
Dear friend, you may not be too happy about your progress and accomplishments thus far in life. You may consider your age today and conclude there are some things you ought to have owned, achieved or accomplished but these things still appear to be very far away from you.
You see, the basic thinking many of us hold about growth is mostly age related, not maturity. We just believe and assume there are some certain things we are entitled to or should earn because we're old enough. Unfortunately, life doesn't serve that way.
A rubber band never fulfils its purpose until it is stretched. Everyone loves to be comfortable. We hardly want to be disturbed, inconvenienced or moved. Once we become comfortable with a circumstance, process, situation or order we don't want to change. We want to remain like that because it's really easy to remain on the same spot.
The key drivers that would compel most employees to desire promotion and change in level are financial reward, power and control. Imagine a set up where hierarchy is not in place and the income is not determined by the level of responsibility, I assure you; no one would take on any new task or responsibility. If there's no benefit tied to any position in cash or power or control, I don't see anyone fascinated about taking up such roles.
For example why would I want to take on the role of a supervisor in a team if I won't get additional income and won't be in charge of the team or anybody? The additional responsibility as a supervisor then becomes a stress factor and not a promotion.
Many of us live very busy lives. We are actually very busy. We have so much to do that a day appears not to be enough. From dawn to dusk we are up and about doing one thing or the other, chasing one thing or the other. We can be busy with formal and serious affairs and we can also be busy at pleasurable and entertaining matters. It doesn't really matter which one of both is keeping us occupied, we are just a crew of busy people. It'll amaze you how someone can labour and work tirelessly towards organising a party and this same person will stay awake all night preparing for exams or a presentation or project at work. For pleasure, leisure, adventure or progress in life, most of us are very busy.
The delusion of a busy life is the assumption or suggestion that you're working very hard in life, so you should automatically have something to show for it. Unfortunately, being busy is not the same as being productive so you can be very busy and still have nothing much to show. It's possible to be busy but still broke, backward and regressive.
This confusion is the reason many become paranoid and begin to believe they have spiritual problems hence consult spiritualists to help them tackle the spirit of backwardness and the spirit of the snail. The reality is, many are busy, hardworking and diligent but not productive. Unfortunately, life does not truly reward hard work, life pays only for productivity. It's what is produced - the product, that money is exchanged for, not the labour or activity.
Yes, I feel it, I sense it. It's very common these days. Many people are afraid. In the attempt to discuss or share views on different subject matters, you'd here it come up subtly or strongly – the very many things people fear these days.
Just look into the eyes, you'll see it there; the look of insecurity, tension, anxiety and self-doubt as you go about interacting with your everyday people.
You look at faces around, you see the scowl, the glare, the frown and different expressions revealing the dreads, fears and tension locked up within.
Dear friend, are you afraid? Every now and again you recall the issue, the problem and situation bringing about the fear and instantly your smile turns awkward, your temporary happiness evaporates, you stiffen, your face tightens up and that mild sensation crawls up your skin – that wave sweeps across your soul. That is fear.
Fear; what an emotion. Fear is a chain reaction that starts with fearful stimulus and ends with the release of chemicals that causes a racing heart, fast breathing and energised muscles. Fear produces a fight or flight response.
Fear is unconsciously created in your brain but strongly informed by your personal interpretation of events and possible outcomes.
Many of us today are not very happy or confident in life as perhaps we do not understand life well enough. We are aware of some things that have happened and some things that could happen but we hardly understand or seek to take note or decipher why they happened.
The world is set in a particular order. The world is about people, territories, events and purpose. Living things play a critical role in the unfolding of events strongly supported by non-living things. The non-living is made for the living to thrive and excel.
The inorganic constitute the materials and resources provided by the creator for mankind to utilise and make this world and living an awesome, remarkable, beautiful and excellent experience.
You see, the earth was created and finished by God but not the world. The earth is a territory, but the world is a system operating on territory earth. God the maker created and finished the earth. But He created a pattern for the world sustaining it through various laws and handed the concept to mankind to build and complete. God made the earth but gave man the charge to create a beautiful world on the earth He made. The earth is a territory; a very rich place. But the world is a system of lifestyle, livelihood, innovation, creativity, development, administration and social structure.
The natural resources to make the world great He buried some under the earth, He placed some on the surface of the earth and the rest in the atmosphere. But the creative potential required to build a great world with the materials provided, God deposited in every human being including you.
Many today have no deliberate grip or control over their lives. Many don't even understand the “how” of being in charge of their own lives. Many have never experienced a season when they are absolutely in charge of themselves. Many more have given up the possibility of being in charge of their own decisions, directions and destination in life.
Dear friend, your life is expressed and measured based on time. As the clock keeps ticking, your life keeps running and gradually ebbing away.
To be in charge of your life, is to be in charge of your time. To be in charge of your time is having the power to determine and chose what you do at every point in time in your life.
A situation where no one but you determines what you want to do with every day and every hour is really being in charge and control of your life.
As a child or a teenager when you still needed to be taught and guided by your parents and/or caregivers, yes its appropriate you submit to them even when you disagree with some of their rules and instructions, but immediately you attain adulthood, wherein you can now make your decisions and choices, your number one struggle should be to liberate yourself from every other force or system that has the power to limit you, restrict you, contain you and control you.
From Christ Society International Outreach under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
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