Frankly Speaking Blog

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - REAL RESPECT.
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Wed, 21 December, 2016 10:59:40 AM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 3866.
1 Comments

In a materialistic society like ours, the way you appear, what you wear, how you carry yourself and how people choose to see you is how they'll treat you either good or bad.

As typical Nigerians, on first encounter with people, we tend to judge by the person's immediate appearance. Even after we become a bit familiar with that person, we rate the person more by possessions, positions and power rather than intelligence, character or good nature.

If subsequently we sense the person doesn't have much materially, isn't highly placed or not so famous or influential, we lose appreciation and basic respect for such a one. In a situation when we feel we have a higher level of power, possession and prosperity than such a one, we automatically assume a dominant role in the relationship and in fact demand respect from such a person even if the person is older or more advanced in life.

Sadly as Nigerians, money and material possessions are the basic factors we use to determine who we choose to respect and the degree of respect we accord. Power and influence are the next factors we use in matters of honour and respect. That, unfortunately is how our society rolls. This is my submission.

This being the nature of our society, many of us unfortunately believe the only way we can truly earn the respect of others is through material possession and financial surplus. We hence, hanker after money and material things by all means based on our craving for respect and popularity. We want respect so we opt to buy this respect from others.

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE.
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Tue, 20 December, 2016 08:32:27 AM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 3881.
1 Comments

No one and nothing shapes your thinking and sets your mind set as strongly as the people around you.

For so many of us, our lives today is a product of societal influence. We are formed according to the information passed to us by the people in our lives and around us. They formed our person and set our mind-sets.

Our knowledge, opinion, views, perspectives, belief systems and philosophies are influenced and daily shaped by the people around us.

I've been privileged to have lived and worked in many parts of the country. In the north, the east, the west and the southern part of Nigeria; and believe me our cultures, traditions, behaviours, priorities, perspectives and views vary. This variations are strongly traceable to our different history, cultures, traditions, religion and superstitions. From generation to generation it has been passed on and it continues - which is quite interesting to see the colourful and beautiful blend of different people and cultures as one.

Many of us are formed and set in our ways on the account of the people who raised us. Now, the tricky part of this lies with the kind of influence those who were around you had, and those around you are having - how they treated you and are probably still treating you.

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - THE MAZE OF LIFE.
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Mon, 19 December, 2016 09:25:13 AM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 2832.
1 Comments

A major human limitation is the inability to correctly predict the future. No man can correctly tell you what will happen to you within the next hour. Mankind in the desperation to know and control tomorrow has in fact made consultations with divinity and mysticism even with that, control isn't guaranteed. In this life, no one knows tomorrow, no one can absolutely manipulate tomorrow.

Our dreams, ambition and aspirations for the future are all a matter of hope, not certainty. So we work, plan, strategize and pray hoping our expectations from the future shall be met, at times things turn out in our favour but at other times things turn out different.

Not knowing tomorrow is a critical reason for mankind's dependence and relying on God. We pray to God to bring to pass all our hopes and aspirations, we pray our dreams come true, we wish for a bright, fulfilling and rewarding future. We all want a happier tomorrow than today, incidentally the power of tomorrow does not lie with us.

As impossible as it is to tell accurately and with precision the details of how your tomorrow will unfold, and as the control of your future is beyond you as mere human, there are however, some rules, some principles, some ordinances and habits that can to a degree help influence and shape the quality of your future and make your future almost predictable.

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - SELF CONFIDENCE.
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Fri, 16 December, 2016 11:57:59 AM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 3126.
0 Comments

As a career coach, the more I speak, counsel and advise people, the more I realise everyone’s got great potentials for success. I don’t believe anyone is born to fail, or lack, or beg. There is something in us all, something about us all, that can make us all very successful.

I’ve spoken to so many people and at the start of the conversation they are timid, intimidated and don’t think there’s anything good in them, but after a while, after asking some right questions, they begin to see themselves differently, they gradually become excited, happier, motivated and they eventually leave elated, with renewed confidence and zeal to go and win. I can’t recall any experience where anyone left still depressed and low. This made me conclude that our limitations and can’t-do disposition is all in our minds.

I believe we were all born bold, confident and zealous. But the circumstances of our birth and upbringing play a critical role in how we eventually turn out either as bold, confident, charismatic and self- assured Or fearful, intimidated, panicky and apprehensive.

The environment in terms of wealth, affluence, location, exposure, interaction, information and association can either boost or deplete our self-confidence.

Our care givers including parents, teachers, religious leaders, siblings, friends and associates can also strengthen or kill our confidence.

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - COMPETE FOR THE FUTURE.
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Thu, 15 December, 2016 09:53:38 AM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 4674.
4 Comments

One subject many of us are reluctant to discuss is what our future holds. We naturally love to bask in the experiences of today, we want to take pleasure in today and do all what will make gratifying the activities of our today. Many are hardly mindful of the future, anytime someone or something raises the question or reminder about the future, we mentally just wish to switch off.

Perhaps, we don't really like discussing the future because we are anxious about what it portends. We are uneasy about uncertainties, unwanted outcomes and disappointing eventualities so, we'd rather not think or talk about it. It's scary.

Ladies and gentlemen, the avoidance of tomorrow as a matter to ponder in your mind does not nullify its certainty. Being sceptical in planning and fortifying your future wouldn't push it further away from you. Wisdom hence, is that decision to brace up in courage and critically think about your future and how you can make it superior to your present.

Many of us like to subscribe to philosophies that suggests we are powerless against tomorrow. We like it when it's said that no one knows tomorrow and no one can do anything about the future. We eagerly embrace such theories as it sits well within our wish zone.  But the truth is, mankind to a large extent shapes the future. Our collective activities as humans determine the consequences and possibilities of the future. What I do, what you do, what we all do actually shapes the future to a very large extent.

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - YOUR BLIND SPOT
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Wed, 14 December, 2016 09:06:56 AM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 3657.
0 Comments

Too many of us today desire improvement and success in some or many areas of our lives including our careers and businesses. We desire improvement and changes. We have expectations about how certain things should be and how life should treat us. We also have expectations of reward, appreciation and profiting in many areas of our lives, unfortunately we are not getting these things we desire.

In many areas of our human endeavour especially relationships, we desire love, care, attention, appreciation, promotion, attention and honour from the people around and in our lives.

We are designed in certain ways, believe in certain things and see life in certain ways, based on these views and perspectives, we have expectations. When unfortunately, these expectations are not met, we become unhappy and discouraged, sometimes we become bitter and disgruntled and may even begin to blame people or even God for our situations.

Why do some people succeed at what we fail at? Why are some people better than us at certain things? Why are some people more popular and loved than we are? Why are some people accepted where we were rejected? Why are some people richer than we are? Why do some people get frequently promoted and we are not? Why are some prominent, popular and appreciated within your company and no one really reckons with you? Why has your subordinate been promoted over you to become a boss? Why do we lose friends, colleagues and loved ones to other people? Why are we lonely at times?

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - THINK TOMORROW.
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Tue, 13 December, 2016 11:01:12 AM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 2292.
7 Comments

The feedback and implications are everywhere. Most people are struggling to make ends meet, times are indeed hard for many people and even aggressive service providers and big business players in the market are now taking the chill pill and considering more soothing approach to doing business so as not to lose their customers and clients in this season.

The flaccid nature of our economy today has generated aggressive implications that is so rife and intense such that the hitherto, very comfortable people and homes are reviewing budgets and lifestyle downwards.

This experience is making many of us rethink our priorities, identify the essentials, moderate our appetite for the unnecessary and curtail wastage.

And you know what? Even through this season, good habits and lessons are being learnt by those who desire to. There is a good side to the recession I tell you.

I've practically lost count of friends, contacts and associates whom today have suffered a job loss or a salary cut.

Losing your employment at a time when the prices of goods and services are escalating in an unprecedented fashion can be scary and mentally paralysing.

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - WHAT DO YOU WANT?
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Fri, 09 December, 2016 09:55:19 AM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 2460.
2 Comments

It's quiet unfortunate that many of us as a result of disappointments, setbacks and past failures have relinquished the charge of our lives to the society, environment, friends and family or providence.

Hitherto, you probably had great expectations in life, made attempts at some exciting feats, pursued some goals and ambitions and failed. Some of us failed some important exams, were not particularly exceptional in academics, some failed in relationships, marriage, health and total wellbeing. Some of us had habits and behaviours that embarrassed us, we suffered reproach and rejection. Some of us were weak in mind and body. Some of us suffered immense poverty, deprivation and lack. Some were victims of verbal and physical abuse, injustice, discrimination and pain. Some have been vandalised and violated by criminals, bullies and oppressors. Some betrayed by loved ones including siblings and parents. Some cheated, abused and disappointed by role models, mentors and even religious leaders. Some of us have hurt ourselves; disappointed ourselves, and today find it difficult forgiving ourselves. Some of us find it difficult to recover from the demise of a loved one, a broken relationship, separation or divorce. Some of us are still living with the hurt of a sickly child, infidelity and infertility. Hence we are totally down and out and have stopped fighting and hoping for a life of peace, joy, happiness, fulfilment and great success. We have a perfect facade of happiness and peace but deep on the inside we experience heavy sadness, turmoil and depression. Our lives aren't particularly cool and our calm and peaceful demeanour is nothing short in similarity to a grave yard peace.

But may I say to you this morning that your life is yours. Your life - is yours. Hence what you make of it is your call.

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - DIMINISHING INTENT.
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Thu, 08 December, 2016 08:31:35 AM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 2861.
2 Comments

There are too many people who are very hardworking, intelligent, up and doing, connected and well positioned to enjoy major and frequent positive transformations in their lives but unfortunately, it is not happening.

There are even some who assume where they are at currently is a great achievement not knowing they have much more than what it takes to climb unto higher levels in life and be greater and become more glorious.

Truth is, too many of us have buried or underutilised our potentials hence, our world is deprived of all we truly have the capacity to do and accomplish.

We have many managers still working as messengers, many bank owners still working as branch managers, many media house owners still working as news presenters and on air personalities, many world class entrepreneurs still working as employees, many great people still functioning as mediocre, small timers and fringe players in the scheme of life.

These people are not very well respected, revered, appreciated, valued or honoured, despite the fact they have everything it takes to be the most valuable and respected person in their communities, their nation and even the world. These are brilliant, intelligent, hardworking, well informed, exposed and outgoing people living less than glowing lives, why, they simply lack the will to do.

It is one thing to have great dreams, to have the advantage, to have the potential and even the opportunity, it's another thing to take advantage of all these and make great dream come true.

Many of us have great dreams, and oh yes, we have all it takes to make these dreams happen, we just won't do all we need to do to make it happen.

Many of us are quite docile and laid back about our destinies, purposes and life journeys. We know what we want, we know what to do, we know how to do it and we know we have the capacity to do it, we just won't bring ourselves to doing it.

 

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - ELEVATED THINKING.
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Wed, 07 December, 2016 01:27:14 PM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 2354.
3 Comments

As mankind our emotions are very powerful. Our emotions basically are expressed through the way we feel towards different things and situations. We are somethings happy, sometimes glad, sometimes sad; sometimes miserable, we get angry sometimes and some other times indifferent. At every point in time in our life, we are exhibiting one or more of the many emotions we're capable of expressing as human beings.

Our emotions, most times determine our actions. Many of us act most of the time based on what we feel. Our good deed or bad deeds are all informed and influenced by how we feel at that point in time. This implies our emotions play a critical role in the unfolding of our lives every day.

As people, we've lost great friends, great relationships, great opportunities and advantages based on our emotions, actions and reactions. And we've gained great people, privileges and advantages based on how we expressed our emotions to certain people and in certain circumstances.

The terms "self-control" or "maturity" simply implies the ability not to act according to how we feel but the right way. It simply means we shouldn't let the way we feel determine the things we do. This is because over time, it's become apparent many things done out of emotions have negative and unpalatable repercussions and regret, hence, the counsel to control ourselves, control our emotions and not let our feelings get the better side of us.

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - YOUR COMPLEX CAN BE COMPLEX
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Tue, 06 December, 2016 10:25:19 AM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 2503.
0 Comments

One of the many lessons I've learnt that has helped me in managing people and my relationships rather well thus far, is the ability to listen not just to what people say but what they are not saying as well. In many discussions bothering on relationships, when people opt to become sentimental and subjective, they really don't tell the truth about their reasons for hurt or disappointments and why they are mad at you, they most times look for an excuse or fathom a story to justify their negative dispositions towards you.

Let me make this clearer, dear friend, many times close people are actually angry at you and are unhappy with you because you are successful and doing well in life. They will never disclose this to you because they will appear awful and they know, so they start looking for faults in every way possible to make it look like it's your fault, you're the problem, you're the bad guy and their upset should be admissible.

They at times shockingly claim you're proud, arrogant, selfish, greedy, condescending or disrespectful. When in truth your continuous back to back success that appears pretty easy and seamless compared to their own experience is their real pain and upset. Of course no sane person will look you in the eye and say to you they're mad at you and fighting you because you're doing well in life. Such a one will be termed a witch or a warlock especially in our society. However, this reality my friend is the basis for many relationship crisis and problems in our lives and our society at large.

A main reason many of us and even our society at large remain regressive and inconsequential is because too many of us suffer from inferiority complex. Inferiority complex is a lack of self-worth; a doubt and uncertainty about self, and feelings of not measuring up to someone else or desired standards. 

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - FILLING THE GAPS.
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Mon, 05 December, 2016 09:08:47 AM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 3079.
2 Comments

Many of us have experienced losses in our lives in time past. We've lost very precious things, people, relationships and opportunities. Many of us can even now begin to remember that good friend that we lost, relationships that we lost, marriages that we lost, jobs that we lost, businesses that we lost, positions that we lost and good feelings we can't connect with any longer.

Many of us, by the reason of some tough things we went through have lost our confidence, our pride, our self-esteem and our happiness. Many of us have lost many valuable things in time past in our lives.

Dear friend, truth is, your ability to obtain and retain most things in your life is not about luck or good fortune but personality. If you really think about it, most of the things you gained and lost in your life must have been a matter of coincidence and happenstance. Those things just came into your life; you were just at the right place at the right time with the right people when you obtained. You really didn't deliberately pursue and obtain. These things, these people, these opportunities came and left just as they came. Not all, most.

The reason many of what you had and lost left your life is simply because you perhaps lacked the capacity to retain them. You perhaps, lacked the required wisdom, maturity, knowledge and skills to retain all those good things you obtained but eventually lost.

Retaining the good things in your life is not a matter of struggle, hard effort or desperation.

 

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - KEY STEPS TO REAL TRANSFORMATION.
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Fri, 02 December, 2016 10:45:03 AM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 2983.
3 Comments

I was in conversation recently with someone who was delighted to make my acquaintance. According to her, she's been listening to me for many years now on radio and it was a delight to finally meet me in person. She talked about so many things and made reference many episodes of this talk show that challenged her, inspired her and gave her pointers in the right direction.

She then said and I quote "Mr. Afolabi, most of what you say are very true and realistic, but I must confess they're not easy to practice, you know as human beings we are weak so the will to really do most of what you say is not there". End of quote. I smiled. I knew precisely what she meant, the problem was beyond the will, it was actually the techniques required to translate what has been learnt into behaviours and normal practice. It's not a problem of will, it's a problem of application techniques.

I quite agree there are many of us who have read books, heard many teachings, messages and information capable of turning our lives around for greatness, but till now, no changes, in fact things appear to be getting worse. The knowledge is there, the understanding is there but the ability to practice what we know and sustain performance is the problem.

Incidentally what you know is nothing if you can't put them to use. It is what you do that transforms your life not what you know.

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - BEYOND REJECTION.
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Wed, 30 November, 2016 10:14:44 AM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 3117.
9 Comments

As older kids, teenagers and young adults, we had dreams of very brilliant, bright and successful future. We nursed dreams about our lifestyles, life qualities, family lives, achievements, accomplishments and even riches.

We dreamt about certain kind of cars, beautiful houses in classy neighbourhoods, travels and vacations to exotic spots, and a very fancy lifestyle in general.

Never did we dream, anticipate or plan for a future of insufficiency, financial struggle, deprivation, constraints and limitation, we wanted a limitless experience in life. We wanted to dream and bring all our dreams to pass.

Many of us hardly planed for a regular life or an average income, as young people we never planned to be broke, restricted or helpless. We dreamt so big and our dreams got us excited and made us smile.

Even now, speaking to many young people about their future, most of what you'll hear are great things they want to do, own and accomplish. All great and magnificent stuff; noting small, nothing minor, nothing regular.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you to think back with me today, what was that great dream you had about your future finance, business, family, assets and your lifestyle. Are you living the life? If not, why not?

 

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING - THE EDGE FOR SUCCESS TODAY.
By Muyiwa Afolabi, On Fri, 18 November, 2016 10:03:32 AM, in the Category Frankly Speaking.Total Views 6164.
5 Comments

I don't suppose I need to express in detail or emphasise strongly the realities of how our socio-economic life is, in today's Nigeria.

The rising cost of goods and services, creepy inflation and exchange rate, tough government choices and options, balancing national interests and social welfare, tough negotiations and politicking, many Nigerians feeling the intense pressure of the economic crisis.

The media, the market and everyday commercial activities carried out keep reminding and reiterating the realities of our situation. When will this end, when will things get better is everyone's new song. Many of us are praying, hoping, believing and trusting that something unusual will happen, something not short of a miracle could happen and there would be instant relief and respite for all.

For many, our cash flow channels are being stifled, the avenues for revenue truncated, costs escalating in crazy fashions and we're left helpless, intimidated and clueless. We sure, need a miracle we believe.

Many of us have become afraid and perplexed, the future looks bleak and scary, if something doesn't happen soon, we might be doomed or so, we think.

Ladies and gentlemen, as negative as all these sound and appear, as awry as our situations may feel, I assure you, there is still something you can do, something within your power to control that will bring to you respite and freedom despite current situation and conditions.

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