Frankly Speaking Blog
Very common with many people in the workplace is the situation of holding some colleagues prisoners in their minds. Many of us are today not very happy with one or two of our colleagues because they have wronged us terribly in some ways. Some colleagues are in fact even now doing terrible things to us and we are not very happy with them. We can't stand, We don't wish them well, and in extreme cases we sometimes pray and wish something evil will befall them.
Offence is very common in the work place and in fact it's a natural part of the corporate world. The work environment is competitive in nature, we all try to outdo one another so as to benefit the elevations that will quickly move us to the top in leadership. We want to become powerful, prosperous and relevant within the business, hence the competitive consciousness of all employees.
This ambition can however become intense and negative to the point where wickedness, betrayal, set up, deceit, gossip, slander and dirty politics become dominant within the business. Of course with all these in place, offence would be frequent and widespread. Your colleagues will offend you, betray you, lie against you, speak ill of you to the boss; try to make you look pretty bad so they can look a better candidate for a promotion and a reward.
Frankly speaking, many of your colleagues may have nothing personal against you, I mean outside of work they can be nice, sweet, loving, generous, kind and caring as individuals, but as long as you work within the same organisation and you're in competition for rapid progress, you'll see the worst of them.
As glaring as it is, many times we still do not see the true essence of our actualities, our lives and our purposes. Though occasionally, we sit still in our alone moments, when we really come to ourselves, not overwhelmed by the pressures of life and we think deep, trying to find a meaning and a reason for our being and in such moments, many of us are not really pleased with our discoveries vis a vis our accomplishments.
Many of us occasionally switch on the self-assessment mode when something shocking or tragic happens like the sudden death of a loved one a relative or a familiar person. We also at times think about our lives when it's a new year or a birthday. We also reconsider our lives when someone we know and underrate accomplishes something noble, phenomenal and praise worthy. We admire them and then begin to measure our lives against theirs and many times we don't like what we realise.
Obviously, a natural tendency for human beings is to socialise. We are communal in nature, we mix, relate and interrelate with one another, we are not designed or wired to be independent, exclusive and private; we are not designed for loneliness. Hence we want to do things with other people all the time.
It's another working day and you're not looking forward to it. You're probably unhappy, depressed and distressed. You feel so down and reluctant and the last place you'll really want to be is at the office. Maybe It's really not about work, oh no, work may still be fun and interesting. Maybe you love your job and you're working where you want. Your company may also be a successful establishment and the pay might be pretty good. You've risen through the ranks and without a doubt everyone knows you're very good at what you do.
In fact you're looking very good for another promotion and your performance is speaking well for you. The organization does need you and would do anything to keep you, you're comfortable with your salary and your perks and frequent bonuses are enviable. Looking at you, you're obviously a depiction of the so called upwardly mobile in career – doing well, looking well and delivering again and again.
So what's the issue? Why the distress? Why are you unhappy? Simple - you're probably having people problems. Other members of the organization don't like you, can't stand you and can't wait for your down fall.
You see, in many organizations, outstanding employees are not usually loved by other employees. This is because they make other employees look ordinary. Outstanding employees make difficult tasks look easy and make the extra mile the standard. They have a way of making every other employee look lazy, laid back and bland. Top management keep making them the point of reference for real effectiveness and performance and would keep rewarding them and appreciating them.
It's quite common, it's in fact the way everyone, well; most organisations and people go about it these days, much less individuals.
In as much as it's true that power is critical in business and career, it is still not as important as performance. This is because power has its limits, everyone's power is limited to a department, a territory, a duration or a tenure, but performance is continuous, in fact it's expected to keep improving, it never expires or runs out of fashion.
Within industries today, immediately a new person is appointed into a position of power, almost everyone connected or relevant to that office begin to investigate and check on the person; the profile, preference and personality of this new power broker.
They want to know him, they research his history; they're interested in his temperament, his character, his experience, his competence, his integrity and pleasures.
Is he corruptible? Does he have a weakness for the opposite gender, or for money? Is he biased on grounds of religion, ethnicity, race or even gender? Is he hardworking or indolent? The gist begin to spread, everyone is asking, wanting to know simply because they want to know how to relate and deal with this new power broker.
Today many of us appear helpless in dealing with issues of life, we grumble and mumble and complain about everyone and everything. We are overwhelmed by so many questions on our minds; so many things we wonder about and can't stop bothering about why they are so.
Prominent amongst our many worries are people. This of course is understandable because you can't control people; you can hardly make people do what you want them to do, hence your frustration, disappointment and in fact at times pain when people in your life, people you love, people you adore act in ways contrary to your desire and expectations.
Some of the many questions on our minds could include, why can't my husband be faithful and honest in this marriage, why can't my wife be more supportive, understanding and sensitive, why can't my children behave appropriately, why can't my parents be more selfless and reasonable in their dealings with me.
Some will also question, why can't my boss be humble, open minded and respectful, why can't my subordinates be more responsible and committed, when will my colleagues stop playing this cheap politics, when will I be recommended for that overdue promotion?
For how long will I keep tolerating this marriage with this lazy and broke husband? For how long will I keep tolerating this nagging and complaining wife? For how long will I keep tolerating this extravagant spouse, for how long will I keep enduring this stingy husband?
A Potential is having or showing the capacity to develop into something in the future. I want you to take a good look at yourself this morning, just think of you and consider how far you have grown and developed over the years. Remember, if you can, the cute and lovely you as a kid of five years old, how you used to jump and play and run around the whole place and get excited and attracted to so many kiddie stuff like toys, cartoon movies and just playing and having fun with other little kids your age.
Then with time you evolved, became older and more mature. You became a teenager and other things began to interest you, began to attract you and occupy you. You also changed in appearance. You became bigger, more masculine or feminine in appearance, your body changed and your adulthood began to emerge. Then at last you became a full grown adult. And of course, teenage stuff was no longer that exciting or attractive; your thinking, priorities, interest, activities and perspectives in life changed considerably, and you began to behave differently from when you were a teenager – from when you were a child.
Dear friend, do you realise how you are today in physical appearance was not acquired from the outside? You always had it on your inside. Your adult body features were not acquired from the environment, the market place or the hospital, you had it all along on the inside of you even as a child. You didn't buy your beard, or buy your natural hips, backside, boobs or your husky voice; your height or your matured looks, you always had these features in you right from when you were a little child.
For many of us, almost 90% of our problems today are money related. If you have enough money today my friend, most of your challenges would be resolved. In fact a survey we conducted late last year confirmed more than 80% of Lagosians would resign from their current employment, if they suddenly become very rich.
Many of us, wake up every morning and diligently rush to work not really because we enjoy what we do or are passionate about what we do, we daily go to work and invest several hours working because we want to secure our monthly income; salaries and allowances.
Many of us today work very hard purely for monetary reward. We are not really passionate about achieving anything great, outstanding or phenomenal, we just want to do enough to impress our bosses, employers and retain our employment. We don't go the extra mile, attempt to improve what we do or where we work, we just want to get the money.
Over and over again many make career decisions and employment moves based on an opportunity to make more money. Many keep changing jobs based on that desire to increase how much they earn. Dramatically, some employers today knowing this fact, hence, have become deceitful; making remuneration promises they cannot keep, and salary packages they cannot sustain, consequently after a few months, they begin to owe salaries or cut salaries.
No one exists and succeeds in isolation. It is contrary to human nature. In fact isolation is a form of punishment, hence imprisonment is quite a part of our human system to address misconduct and vile behaviours in our society. Isolation is not good for humans, to destroy any man's confidence, guts and gusto, isolate him.
It is tough to have any reason and motivation for living when you're all alone in this world. It is repugnant to our human nature.
That is why it is natural and essential for us to exist in family and societal formats. To have villages, communities, states, countries and nations. We are wired to do things together as mankind.
Critical as this is to mankind, it can be very demanding, stressful and at times destructive relating with other humans. Human beings are the most difficult creatures to deal with on earth.
Their intelligence, power and ability to choose makes it pretty tough dealing and relating easily with people. Hence as important as it is to relate with other humans, you must employ the needed wisdom, intelligence and tact required for successful and fruitful interactions.
Are you a team leader or an entrepreneur? How is your team doing in this season? Are they the same way they used to be or they're better than they were? How well is your team growing? Let's talk about that this morning – leading your team.
Leadership, I believe is the single most important thing in the success or failure of a team or business. For an organisation to work efficiently, teams are required and people are expected to work in and with teams and of course, these teams need to be led, hence, a leader must be appointed for the teams.
However, no matter the talent, capacity, ability and knowledge of individual members of a team, if there is a problem with leadership, the team is not likely to perform so well. Leadership is critical to the success of any team.
In business organisations, many leaders today became leaders based on their competence on the job, knowledge of the job, passion, commitment, loyalty, experience and their ability to deliver satisfactorily on tasks, not actually on their ability to lead people. They were made leaders because they did their jobs well and added value to the business, it was a form of reward, not because they had great relationship and leadership capacities.
As soon as they are appointed, many of these kind of leaders soon begin to realise leadership is not as easy as they thought. They give instructions, directions, advice and tasks to the team and members of the team either refuse to carry out the tasks, decide to do it their own way, do a very bad job or even completely ignore the team leader's instruction.
What is fear? Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of hurt, danger or pain.
Hmmm, fear is an emotion, fear is an emotion. How exactly do emotions come about? Your emotions - that is the way you feel about something is a product of your mind-set and your memory.
The way you see a matter, the way you see a person, the way you see a situation, your interpretation of anything; how you think it should be and how you think it could be can actually trigger off all sorts of emotions, including fear. Your various emotions is a product of your judgements.
Dear friend no human is born with any form of emotion including fear. Emotions are produced based on expectations, perceptions and mind sets and these are a function of your judgement.
Every baby was taught judgement by its environment, experience and those who raised it. Some times when a toddler keeps attempting to touch a lantern or candle for instance, at times the care giver may allow that baby touch it and hurt, and from that experience the baby would learn to be afraid of fire. Dear friend, fear is learnt.
What we go through; the good, the bad, the ugly and the nasty shape our judgements of every matter based on how we feel during and after the experience. Consequently, the memory of that bad, ugly and nasty experience seem to threating us anytime we feel their might be a repeat of that experience. This threatening memory is what we call fear.
Leadership is not exclusively about positions of power and authority, leadership is much more about influence. It is your ability to connect with others and secure their buy in regarding your vision, conviction or advocacy in life. It is about drawing attention of the people that matter or those involved to something important, useful and relevant.
Many people today don't realise they are leaders as they usually suppose leadership is in positions and appointments. Many don't think they can influence anyone or anything. Many primarily see themselves as subjugates, on lookers or supporters of anything they see or identify with. Many don't really know everyone is a leader.
You see, all humans are born as kings, you are not created by the almighty to just exist and pass through this world without impact or influence. You are on an assignment, you are here to achieve a purpose and deliver a good to humanity.
The almighty definitely does not waste resources, hence he wouldn't waste his time and creativity investing so much into you for nothing. You are not on this earth to exist, eat, procreate and die off one day. If that's all there is to you, I'm afraid other creatures can do that as well. There is therefore a superior purpose to your being human than eating, existing, surviving and procreating.
The feedback and implications are everywhere. Most people are struggling to make ends meet, times are indeed hard for many people and even aggressive service providers and big business players in the market are now taking the chill pill and considering more soothing approach to doing business so as not to lose their customers and clients in this season.
The flaccid nature of our economy today has generated aggressive implications that is so rife and intense such that the hitherto, very comfortable people and homes are reviewing budgets and lifestyle downwards.
This experience is making many of us rethink our priorities, identify the essentials, moderate our appetite for the unnecessary and curtail wastage.
And you know what? Even through this season, good habits and lessons are being learnt by those who desire to. There is a good side to the recession I tell you.
I've practically lost count of friends, contacts and associates whom today have suffered a job loss or a salary cut.
Losing your employment at a time when the prices of goods and services are escalating in an unprecedented fashion can be scary and mentally paralysing.
Many just call me up crying and lamenting, they list all the essential responsibilities and carter on their plate and can't help but wonder how they'd cope and not end up in disgrace. Truth be told it can be daunting and very painful.
Mary, not her real name, cancelled her wedding two weeks before the agreed wedding date because she suddenly discovered, the fifteen year old girl her fiancée has been introducing as the last child of his family, was actually his own daughter, not his mother's last child.
The secret was let out when her fiancée's classmate in secondary school who's been away for many years, asked of this girl in Mary's presence and began to innocently, share the details about the painful but funny experience of how this girl was conceived and born way back in their secondary school days. He naturally assumed Mary already knew the whole story.
Mary cancelled the wedding two weeks to the occasion with an argument that if her fiancée could hide such a major truth from her, she couldn't trust him not to hide more vital and important things from her. She says she wouldn't marry a dishonest man, she couldn't trust him anymore.
Mary's parents, siblings and relatives were angry at her arguing her fiancée didn't tell her about the girl because he was afraid he'd lose her and that the basis of his dishonesty is genuine love.
More so, they were angry at her, saying she wanted to embarrass the family by cancelling the wedding after they've invited guests, spent good money and announced to the general public.
I want you to this morning take a second look at your life. Are you living the life you want or a life dedicated to earning? Is your daily activities and choices inspired, motivated and informed by the need to earn, or you're living a life you truly enjoy? Do you see a life dedicated to earning as the only kind of lifestyle; hence, you've decided to embrace it and call it life itself? If you have everything you want and everything you need in abundance will your lifestyle today still be your kind of life style?
Think with me this morning and lets go way back to when you were a child, your days in primary school, secondary school, university it was all about working hard to earn good grades and subsequently get a good job and ultimately earn good income. Even in career, it's been all about working hard daily to earn good income and keep growing your income so as to obtain all you need in life.
Please tell me, is this really the essence and purpose of being alive? Are we just here to keep working all our lives to earn and gather so many things and so much that we shall eventually leave behind whether we like it or not? I do not think so, I believe our lives should be much more than a dedication to earning; there must be more.
Anything that can be improved carries within it the capacity to be better. The word better is a comparative of the word good and its superlative is the word best.
This simply means if today you believe there is a need to improve your circumstances you are concurring with the fact that your life can be better. How do you know this? it's simply because from all you see around and all you know, it's obvious people are experiencing life circumstances better than yours even in this economic downturn.
It is difficult or rare to desire strongly something you've never seen, heard or experienced before. We usually are desirous of something we know exist and we can for a fact apprehend. Meaning if today, you want a better life circumstance for yourself, you have at least an idea of how you want your next circumstance to be. You have a clue on where next you want to be in life and the progress or upgrade you desire to make.
As we wake up daily, we see people, things, possessions, places and observe a lifestyle we are yet to attain in life.
We see houses we can't afford yet, cars we can't afford yet, clothes we can't afford yet, hotels, restaurants, lounges and very impressive relaxation and leisure points we can't afford to visit yet.
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