Frankly Speaking Blog
No one exists and succeeds in isolation. It is contrary to human nature. In fact isolation is a form of punishment, hence imprisonment is quite a part of our human system to address misconduct and vile behaviours in our society. Isolation is not good for humans, to destroy any man's confidence, guts and gusto, isolate him.
It is tough to have any reason and motivation for living when you're all alone in this world. It is repugnant to our human nature.
That is why it is natural and essential for us to exist in family and societal formats. To have villages, communities, states, countries and nations. We are wired to do things together as mankind.
Critical as this is to mankind, it can be very demanding, stressful and at times destructive relating with other humans. Human beings are the most difficult creatures to deal with on earth.
Their intelligence, power and ability to choose makes it pretty tough dealing and relating easily with people. Hence as important as it is to relate with other humans, you must employ the needed wisdom, intelligence and tact required for successful and fruitful interactions.
Are you a team leader or an entrepreneur? How is your team doing in this season? Are they the same way they used to be or they're better than they were? How well is your team growing? Let's talk about that this morning – leading your team.
Leadership, I believe is the single most important thing in the success or failure of a team or business. For an organisation to work efficiently, teams are required and people are expected to work in and with teams and of course, these teams need to be led, hence, a leader must be appointed for the teams.
However, no matter the talent, capacity, ability and knowledge of individual members of a team, if there is a problem with leadership, the team is not likely to perform so well. Leadership is critical to the success of any team.
In business organisations, many leaders today became leaders based on their competence on the job, knowledge of the job, passion, commitment, loyalty, experience and their ability to deliver satisfactorily on tasks, not actually on their ability to lead people. They were made leaders because they did their jobs well and added value to the business, it was a form of reward, not because they had great relationship and leadership capacities.
As soon as they are appointed, many of these kind of leaders soon begin to realise leadership is not as easy as they thought. They give instructions, directions, advice and tasks to the team and members of the team either refuse to carry out the tasks, decide to do it their own way, do a very bad job or even completely ignore the team leader's instruction.
What is fear? Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of hurt, danger or pain.
Hmmm, fear is an emotion, fear is an emotion. How exactly do emotions come about? Your emotions - that is the way you feel about something is a product of your mind-set and your memory.
The way you see a matter, the way you see a person, the way you see a situation, your interpretation of anything; how you think it should be and how you think it could be can actually trigger off all sorts of emotions, including fear. Your various emotions is a product of your judgements.
Dear friend no human is born with any form of emotion including fear. Emotions are produced based on expectations, perceptions and mind sets and these are a function of your judgement.
Every baby was taught judgement by its environment, experience and those who raised it. Some times when a toddler keeps attempting to touch a lantern or candle for instance, at times the care giver may allow that baby touch it and hurt, and from that experience the baby would learn to be afraid of fire. Dear friend, fear is learnt.
What we go through; the good, the bad, the ugly and the nasty shape our judgements of every matter based on how we feel during and after the experience. Consequently, the memory of that bad, ugly and nasty experience seem to threating us anytime we feel their might be a repeat of that experience. This threatening memory is what we call fear.
Leadership is not exclusively about positions of power and authority, leadership is much more about influence. It is your ability to connect with others and secure their buy in regarding your vision, conviction or advocacy in life. It is about drawing attention of the people that matter or those involved to something important, useful and relevant.
Many people today don't realise they are leaders as they usually suppose leadership is in positions and appointments. Many don't think they can influence anyone or anything. Many primarily see themselves as subjugates, on lookers or supporters of anything they see or identify with. Many don't really know everyone is a leader.
You see, all humans are born as kings, you are not created by the almighty to just exist and pass through this world without impact or influence. You are on an assignment, you are here to achieve a purpose and deliver a good to humanity.
The almighty definitely does not waste resources, hence he wouldn't waste his time and creativity investing so much into you for nothing. You are not on this earth to exist, eat, procreate and die off one day. If that's all there is to you, I'm afraid other creatures can do that as well. There is therefore a superior purpose to your being human than eating, existing, surviving and procreating.
The feedback and implications are everywhere. Most people are struggling to make ends meet, times are indeed hard for many people and even aggressive service providers and big business players in the market are now taking the chill pill and considering more soothing approach to doing business so as not to lose their customers and clients in this season.
The flaccid nature of our economy today has generated aggressive implications that is so rife and intense such that the hitherto, very comfortable people and homes are reviewing budgets and lifestyle downwards.
This experience is making many of us rethink our priorities, identify the essentials, moderate our appetite for the unnecessary and curtail wastage.
And you know what? Even through this season, good habits and lessons are being learnt by those who desire to. There is a good side to the recession I tell you.
I've practically lost count of friends, contacts and associates whom today have suffered a job loss or a salary cut.
Losing your employment at a time when the prices of goods and services are escalating in an unprecedented fashion can be scary and mentally paralysing.
Many just call me up crying and lamenting, they list all the essential responsibilities and carter on their plate and can't help but wonder how they'd cope and not end up in disgrace. Truth be told it can be daunting and very painful.
Mary, not her real name, cancelled her wedding two weeks before the agreed wedding date because she suddenly discovered, the fifteen year old girl her fiancée has been introducing as the last child of his family, was actually his own daughter, not his mother's last child.
The secret was let out when her fiancée's classmate in secondary school who's been away for many years, asked of this girl in Mary's presence and began to innocently, share the details about the painful but funny experience of how this girl was conceived and born way back in their secondary school days. He naturally assumed Mary already knew the whole story.
Mary cancelled the wedding two weeks to the occasion with an argument that if her fiancée could hide such a major truth from her, she couldn't trust him not to hide more vital and important things from her. She says she wouldn't marry a dishonest man, she couldn't trust him anymore.
Mary's parents, siblings and relatives were angry at her arguing her fiancée didn't tell her about the girl because he was afraid he'd lose her and that the basis of his dishonesty is genuine love.
More so, they were angry at her, saying she wanted to embarrass the family by cancelling the wedding after they've invited guests, spent good money and announced to the general public.
I want you to this morning take a second look at your life. Are you living the life you want or a life dedicated to earning? Is your daily activities and choices inspired, motivated and informed by the need to earn, or you're living a life you truly enjoy? Do you see a life dedicated to earning as the only kind of lifestyle; hence, you've decided to embrace it and call it life itself? If you have everything you want and everything you need in abundance will your lifestyle today still be your kind of life style?
Think with me this morning and lets go way back to when you were a child, your days in primary school, secondary school, university it was all about working hard to earn good grades and subsequently get a good job and ultimately earn good income. Even in career, it's been all about working hard daily to earn good income and keep growing your income so as to obtain all you need in life.
Please tell me, is this really the essence and purpose of being alive? Are we just here to keep working all our lives to earn and gather so many things and so much that we shall eventually leave behind whether we like it or not? I do not think so, I believe our lives should be much more than a dedication to earning; there must be more.
Anything that can be improved carries within it the capacity to be better. The word better is a comparative of the word good and its superlative is the word best.
This simply means if today you believe there is a need to improve your circumstances you are concurring with the fact that your life can be better. How do you know this? it's simply because from all you see around and all you know, it's obvious people are experiencing life circumstances better than yours even in this economic downturn.
It is difficult or rare to desire strongly something you've never seen, heard or experienced before. We usually are desirous of something we know exist and we can for a fact apprehend. Meaning if today, you want a better life circumstance for yourself, you have at least an idea of how you want your next circumstance to be. You have a clue on where next you want to be in life and the progress or upgrade you desire to make.
As we wake up daily, we see people, things, possessions, places and observe a lifestyle we are yet to attain in life.
We see houses we can't afford yet, cars we can't afford yet, clothes we can't afford yet, hotels, restaurants, lounges and very impressive relaxation and leisure points we can't afford to visit yet.
To excel in life, speed is critical, the ability to move and take advantage of opportunities quickly is critical to your strategy. Today let's talk about speed, this one is titled, move quickly.
It is very natural in your journey towards success to face challenges. It is very natural to be discouraged, distressed, disappointed and dismayed. You will plan, anticipate, strategize and work hard only to be rewarded with failure and disappointment. You will do all you should, consult with the very best and experienced, initiate the best ideas and possibilities and everything would come down crumbling like a pack of cards.
Situations would fail you, circumstances would oppose you, people would betray you, partners will oppose you, investors would change their minds, helpers will withdraw their support and even friends, family, loved oneS and the people you labour for and feed would criticize you and complain.
Everyone at a point would appear to be against you, everyone would become selfish, ungrateful and unloving. You will really feel rejected, unappreciated, low and out. You would feel like a failure, a non-achiever and would wonder if you're cursed.
Every one's life can be observed as though a journey. We are all born on a certain date to start life, we then grow up, we age, grow old, and we then pass on – most of us at least.
In a world of seven billion people is it not amazing that no two persons travel the same journey in life? Even twins don't, married couples may share a better part of their journeys together but it doesn't make it the same. Your journey through life is 100% your personal adventure.
In your journey through this life there are some core choices you can't make as an individual. For example you can't choose when you're born, you can't choose your parents, you can't choose the country of your birth, you can't choose your tribe, language, race, colour, your siblings your background and the way you look. You can hardly influence, much less choose the success or failure of your parents in life. All these you can't choose.
However, one of the most amazing, yet sad situations I've observed in life is how people can judge others and carry a sense of superiority and intense discrimination based on these factors they didn't choose.
How can anyone think they're better than anyone else based on a tribe, a language, part of the country, ethnic group and most likely a religion they didn't even choose; they were born into these, they didn't labour for these, so why take pride and boast and oppress others with anything they didn't earn or labour for? Feeling superior to others based on factors you didn't earn by your sweat diminishes the worth of your intelligence.
We are all motivated by desires, expectations and achievements. The reason many work so hard, study so hard and make sacrifices daily is essentially based on certain expectations which they hope will make them happy and satisfied in life.
Everyone's got a dream, some are big dreams, some are not that big but we all have dreams. Our dreams are the things we hope to get, have, experience or enjoy in the future. Whatever you've experienced or apprehended is no longer a dream, a dream is always about the future; an expectation, a reward, a harvest.
Many of us however are not happy because we are today, not living our dreams. The dreams we had in time past about our today is not really our experience. Many of us looked forward to a great, exciting, rewarding and comfortable future but alas; far from it, we today, wake up daily to a life of struggle, hustle, extreme hard work, uncertainties, fear and social insecurity. Many of us are enduring not enjoying our lives. This was not our dream.
Many of us today have relinquished the power and charge over our lives to our helpers, benefactors, employers, spiritual authorities and even the government. If these guys can't help us, we are finished. We daily depend on others to make our lives meaningful. Dear friend, this is not how to live a great life. What you can't control, you can't predict and you definitely can't determine.
Many times and from many teachers, self-control has been taught and related from the perspective of an individual having self-restrain. This simply means the ability to stop yourself from indulging when lured, tempted and seduced unto destructive behaviours and tendencies.
It's about not responding to the lust of the flesh and carnal cravings with negative consequences. It's about being disciplined – doing what is right instead of what you like at all times. In summary, self-control has been preached from the perspective of stopping yourself from doing wrong.
This morning however, I'd like to explain in a more extended fashion the real meaning of self-control. I'll want to explain it properly within absolute context and as it relates to good growth, performance, wellbeing and success in life.
Self-control is not just the power to stop yourself from doing wrong or yielding to temptation.
Self-control is actually about you being in control of yourself. It's you being in charge of your whole being.
Control is about being in charge, having the power to determine what happens and to a large extent determine outcomes.
The easiest thing to do in this life is to waste your time. Time as precious as it is, is so easy to waste. Time is the most precious irrecoverable resource yet, the most wasted of human resource.
Many of us from the start of each year to the end keep going through survival routines and motions without a precise plan or action on how we can deliberately improve our worth, relevance, value, importance and impact in this life.
If being laid back or indifferent about the issues of life have no consequences, probably it would have been okay. But a decision to do nothing about key issues in your life will naturally generate very bad consequences.
For example if you refuse to get an education, you will eventually lack so much in social worth, relevance and significance. You won’t command the attention of the important and the general in this life, hardly would anyone reckon with you. If you refuse to pay attention to your spouse, you will eventually lose that spouse probably to someone else or something else and this will subsequently bring you emotional pain. If you refuse to raise and train and build your children, they will eventually bring you shame, disgrace and disappointment eventually in life.
The smartest and the most legitimate approach to escaping insufficiency, mediocrity, obscurity, lack and stagnation is to identify opportunities and do all we can to utilise them.
A major difference between very successful people and those who are not so successful is recognising opportunities when they see one. Opportunities present themselves every day in our lives. Opportunities don't show up once in a while in fact, you practically swim in opportunities especially if you live in a country like Nigeria, the only problem is; you can't recognise these opportunities.
The reason many can't recognise great opportunities is because they already have a preconceived way by which they expect their opportunities to show up and unfold.
Many times when people want something, they already have their minds set on how it should come, when it should come, from whom it should come and the way it should come.
Most times if there's any major alteration in any of these fixed expectations, they wouldn't recognise it as the opportunity they've been waiting for.
You want a job in a particular kind of organisation judging by how much you hear they pay, anything other than that is a no, no, even if a different organisation offers lower remuneration but superior prospects, exposure and experience; simply because it's not marked by the same monetary appeal, it's not a good opportunity.
Lately I ran into one of my old colleague. She looked very tired, exhausted and distressed. We hadn't seen in a long while and we were glad to meet again. I asked how she was doing and she let off a sad smile, her eyes were tired and dull, she had eye bags and a few wrinkles were beginning to show on her, once upon a time very smooth and bright face.
She didn't look or sound excited, she was withdrawn and almost cold. She was obviously tired, not just physically but emotionally, and I sense someone trying hard not to give up or throw in the towel.
She works with a very good, well established company and she is actually a very top management staff. She is well paid too and has no money problems. After engaging in discussion with her for a while, it was clear what the main problem was.
At her place of work, she leads a critical team of very discouraged, demotivated and troublesome employees. The role of the team is very important to the business and she is in charge, however the pressure was just becoming unbearable as her team members aren't willing, supportive or committed and consequently, the directorate and the MD are daily ‘crucifying' her for back to back failures on projects and deadlines.
"Leaders take responsibility" they tell her, hence she can't honestly put the blame on the attitude and disposition of her team, yet her team members in truth are actually the main problem.
From Christ Society International Outreach under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
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