Frankly Speaking Blog
I want us to talk this morning, really let's talk. And I want us to be open and very sincere; not taking things personal, not playing the blame game or making excuses. Let's try today to beam the searchlight on ourselves; questioning our ways, routine, traditions and behaviours.
I do not have a doubt that everyone wants a good life. We all want to be comfortable and happy. We want to live a struggle free life, we all want to be free to do what will make us happy, achieve our dreams and fulfil our purpose.
We love our families; our parents, spouses, children and sincerely wish we could give them the best. We want to give the best in accommodation and home, the best in clothing; we don't want to wear worn clothes or our kids wearing worn clothes, forcing them wear clothes that no longer fit, or wearing the same outfit to every party and occasion.
I say it always and I'll say it again, the number one desire of every human being is to be happy. Everything we do, everything we want is driven by the desire to be happy always.
We go to school basically because we believe education will offer an advantage or a leverage for a kind of lifestyle that will make us happy. We go into business believing we would attain certain success levels that will attract wealth and value into our lives, consequently making us happy.
We enter into certain friendships and relationships because we believe associating, relating or being in love with such a person will make us happy, we expect the other person to make us happy.
We want money to buy and own things as this makes us happy, we want to be rich because the confidence, respect and prestige wealth brings makes us happy, we build our own shelters and homes because it makes us happy, we buy exotic cars and replace them with the latest because this makes us happy as well. We get married and bear children because for the majority, having children of their own makes them happy.
Do you know, even religion, having a deity to serve and worship, believing he's got your back and will keep, protect and provide even when all help and hope is lost is ultimately to keep you happy in and out of trouble?
As a leader, you may sometimes feel disappointed and discouraged when you set goals and tasks and at the end of the day, you fail to accomplish these goals. It gets more painful if you know you had all it took to accomplish it but somehow you just took things for granted and dealt with the matter with levity and you failed to deliver at the end of the day.
Accomplishing your mission as a leader is strongly linked to your ability to set priorities. Your ability to focus on your most important task that would deliver the highest returns indicates your discipline as a leader. Many people love to carry out the task they find exciting and interesting to do at a point in time even if it is not the most important. They prioritise easier and fun tasks because they want to do what they like not what is necessary. This attitude could cost you as a leader...
Brilliant, hardworking, goal getter, committed, passionate and on top of your job, yet the promotion is not coming as it should.
Year in year out other people probably on your level within other teams are rising and moving up the ladder very fast but your case is different. Every year you achieve something greater than the last. Your team head relies on you and believes in your ability and capacity to deliver. He calls on you in emergencies and for information and ways out; you're the first one he calls.
Every other team member respect and value your contribution. They can see how much you know and how hard you work. It's obvious by now you ought to have been promoted after so long yet it's not coming and everyone is indifferent.
You've complained to the relevant people when occasions for review and appraisals came up. They listened to your complaint and promised to do something about it. Yet nothing is being done. You're confused, perplexed and getting discouraged.
Dear friend, may I say this morning that as far as rising within your organisation is concerned; performance on the job may probably not be enough?
Yes you're good at what you do but are you good with the people you work with?
The world is changing very fast, people are changing, processes, methods, procedures, thinking, performance, results and belief systems; everything is changing. Your ability to keep up with these changes and trends however will determine your good growth, success and accomplishments in this season.
Ladies and gentlemen, cultures, tradition and native orientations today are giving way to civility, objectivity, rationality, maturity and tolerance.
Collective interest, Collective Progress, collective prosperity and collaboration, is the emerging orientation. With this generation, barriers along sentimental divides of culture, tradition, ethnicity and even religion are being broken by, especially; the educated and the exposed. Incidentally, the educated and the exposed own and would shape the future.
Dear friend, it's time for you to become exposed. Being schooled is different from been educated, being educated is not the same as being exposed and being exposed does not automatically translate to being civilised.
I've met so many graduates that don't know much, I've interacted with PhD holders with shocking beliefs and thinking, and I've met well-travelled individuals that refuse to let go of destructive traditional beliefs and cultures.
Efficient communication is the most essential aspect of sustaining a great and enduring relationship. Communication is the oil of relationships. Without efficient communication in place, there’s bound to be frequent friction and misunderstanding amongst people and teams.
Many theories and thesis have been put together on this subject communication. Through history mankind has sought to understand how to better communicate, as the importance of clear, unequivocal communication would rule out retrogression, stagnation, and slow pace of activation and minimize conflicts and wars with mankind.
Communication for years has been and still remains a major subject in academic provision. Students and scholars must learn how to communicate effectively. The ability to conceive information, encode, relay, deal with interference, decode and respond correctly remains very important and relevant as a process to all, if we want to take maximum advantage of improved communication as mankind.
Beyond verbal, nonverbal communication must also be well understood for all to be carried along in commonness and clarity of purpose.
However, for many years, many of us have learnt to express ourselves to the best of our abilities. We, by default activate the communication process and seek to obtain the desired feedback from our respondents each time we speak.
Two is better than one in matters of effort, energy and possibilities. Many matters in life can be addressed and tackled more easily and faster if many people come together to deal with them. It is called cooperation, it is called working as a group or as a team.
When two or more people come together and agree on a matter, it is very likely they will accomplish the ambition faster and better than just an individual dealing with it.
As mankind we are designed naturally to cooperate and work together. We are not really independent in life, decisions and survival. We are designed to need one another and depend on one another. No single individual in life has the power to succeed alone without help or support from others. Hence our social order of living is in family and community groups.
As important as it is to work with one another to achieve results and address challenges, it's possible to work and agree with some kind of people that can actually limit, stagnate, frustrate or even destroy your purpose and effort in life.
No one exists and succeeds in isolation. It is contrary to human nature. In fact isolation is a form of punishment, hence imprisonment is quite a part of our human system to address misconduct and vile behaviours in our society. Isolation is not good for humans, to destroy any man's confidence, guts and gusto, isolate him.
It is tough to have any reason and motivation for living when you're all alone in this world. It is repugnant to our human nature.
That is why it is natural and essential for us to exist in family and societal formats. To have villages, communities, states, countries and nations. We are wired to do things together as mankind.
Critical as this is to mankind, it can be very demanding, stressful and at times destructive relating with other humans. Human beings are the most difficult creatures to deal with on earth.
Their intelligence, power and ability to choose makes it pretty tough dealing and relating easily with people. Hence as important as it is to relate with other humans, you must employ the needed wisdom, intelligence and tact required for successful and fruitful interactions.
It was just one day, I sat down and really began to think about it. I have tried very hard to ensure I keep every major area of my life in check. Not so easy but, I choose to do the right things most times and do my best to excel. I try to manage my finances well, my career efficiently, my relationships effectively and my health in good condition. I just keep doing all I can to live a happy and comfortable life. But for a long while I kept experiencing upsets and real hurt from time to time. As much as I tried to remain happy it was difficult, so that day I had to take a look at my life and deal with the root cause of my frequent gloom.
After considering all the issues, I suddenly discovered the major source of my unhappiness. – People.
I think it's human for people to admire and cherish positive outcomes and results without giving much thought or embracing the realities of the process.
Almost every woman I know want to have children, they love children but they hardly think of the nine months process of bringing this desire to reality.
Many young people want to get married, they dream of being married, but they hardly consider the difficulty of cohabiting for life with that individual with a different upbringing, orientation, habit and preferences. They think of the good, the fun and the exciting, but wouldn't consider the reality of making critical life decisions with someone you lack control over his or her will to agree or disagree.
Many young people are praying for admission into the university, they are upset and sad because they're yet to obtain admission, they want to go to the university because it offers the possibility of becoming a professional apart from the fun and excitement prevalent on campus.
Truth is everything in life is neutral. There is both the good and bad inherent in every situation and experience. The positive or negative effect it has on you emotionally is based on your thinking and mindset.
Some people are desperate about marriage and some think marriage is bondage. Some people can't imagine their husbands having another lady he loves, while some women don't mind being a second, third or fourth wife; sharing the man with the others. And everybody is satisfied and happy.
So I was sitting at the departure of an airport somewhere outside the country waiting to connect a flight back to Nigeria and I had a full 6 hours to wait. I was tired and drowsy and all I wanted was to return home. I was bored and ticked off by the weather and tired of their food too. I just wanted to go home.
While trying to contain my frustration, a young lady possibly in her late twenties walked in my direction dragging her beautiful suitcase on wheels with one hand and her laptop bag clutched in the other hand. She was European, but not English judging from the tone of her skin and fancy dress sense. She was probably Spaniard or Italian, her fashion style and swag was so not English, her hair was black, healthy, long and beautiful. Her make-up was on point and enhanced her already attractive facial features. She had strong piercing bead-like light brown pupils and a great smile. She was an attractive white lady.
She walked directly towards where I sat and took the empty seat next to mine. Her fragrance was smooth and alluring and when she said hello, my guess was right about her not being English, judging by her accent.
I was bored anyway and looking for distraction so I initiated a conversation with her. She was coming to Nigeria as well so I was glad I would have company all the way back home. She was married with two lovely daughters, she lived in London with her husband who was in private practice as a wardrobe consultant. She was 28 and he was 29 and the daughters were 5 and 3. They were a happy and comfortable family.
This morning I want to share on the kind of thinking that could lift a nation out of a recession. Nation building is a collective responsibility, it's not just the obligation of the leaders. We perhaps have too many observers and critics than labourers and grinders.
In my view many people are talking, very few are sincerely building, that's why we have many wrong people managing very sensitive areas of our nationhood, because the right people only want to talk they don't want to be involved, these wrong people have the paper credentials but lack moral and ethical credentials to deliver impressive results. Many of us are willing to talk and criticise, very few are sincerely willing to join the work. Dear friend, what are you doing for Nigeria? Our 170 million population size may actually be a disadvantage when the majority of us have a sense of entitlement without a sense of responsibility to our nation.
The second to the last statement of our National pledge says “and uphold her honour and glory”. Dear friend, how are you upholding our honour as a nation? How are you bringing glory to Nigeria?
True honour and glory of any nation has to do with good success, outstanding results, unparalleled performance and masterpiece creativity in enterprise and social initiatives.
As a Nigerian, what are you doing, what are you building, what are you developing that is world class in nature? What are you investing your mind and time in that the rest of the world would have no choice but to copy?
Many of us today are very uncomfortable with the economic situation. As it were, the nation could be in a recession as all the indicators are there. Increase in unemployment, bankruptcies, declining real income, GDP index, declining industry output and negative economic performance.
Many of us are unhappy due to the adverse effect of the economy on our individual lives and wellbeing. Salaries are owed, companies downsizing, rising cost of goods and services, scarcity of funds – everything appears to be harder and tougher.
Of course the accusing finger is directed at leadership and somewhat rightly so, it is their charge and responsibility to manage the resources of the nation – both material and human resources efficiently. If they appear to be inept or sloppy at doing this, the citizens have the right to complain and cry out.
However, a nation cannot be built or efficiently managed without the required collaboration of the citizenry. As a citizen it is not appropriate to have a sense of entitlement without a sense of responsibility. I pledge to Nigeria my country to be faithful loyal and honest, to serve Nigeria with all my strength; this, ladies and gentlemen is not just a saying, it's a pledge, a promise, a vow to your nation.
You have no good excuse to sabotage or fail your fatherland, at least for the sake of your children and the next generation. You should love them enough and do what is required for them to have a better life, a better experience and pride of citizenship as Nigerians than you currently are having.
Many of us desire to see a greater Nigeria, we crave a nation we want to be proud of, but sadly we don't want to do the work required for this to be realised.
Many of us don't like hard times in life. We hope and long for times of ease, pleasure and comfort. We do not like pressure or tension. We hate pain and discomfort. This of course is understandable because of the suffering and distress induced by pain physically and psychologically. As mankind we naturally love to be comfortable.
But for us to grow and develop as humans in a society, we must cease to see pain from the perspective of hurt and discomfort alone, we must begin to see pain from the dimension of transformation and purpose.
There is a purpose for every pain as every pain carries within itself the capacity to transform and change you so as to grow you. No matter how much you hate it and can't handle it, pain is an essential aspect of human life.
Individuals who have learnt and understood pain as a necessary part of human development, growth and progress have actually conquered the fear of pain. These are people who take very high risks without fear of pain and have subsequently conquered the world to a large extent. We call them the advanced nations of the world.
The very many people and nations that hate pain, resist pain or avoid pain ironically experience the worst kind of pain owing to poverty, lack, sicknesses, disease and premature deaths.
Pain is defined as a highly unpleasant physical sensation or mental suffering caused by injury or illness. As humans, we suffer both physical and mental injuries; we do suffer at both dimensions. The unpleasant nature of pain however, is the main reason many of us avoid it.
Essential to your rapid growth and success in life are the kind of people you have in and around your life. You cannot succeed alone no matter how you try. The most respected and admired spiritual leaders in human history had to choose disciples and strong supporters for them to effectively fulfil purpose and destiny. Life has been designed for us to work with people and succeed with people no matter how imperfect human beings are.
Positing not to collaborate with anybody to achieve maximum success in life or any venture is a fallacy. It is impossible to make it alone in life. You need people.
More important than having people in your life is having the right people. All the people you have in your life today can be categorised as either assets or liabilities. Some people are really good supporters and helpers, some are just mere weights and burdens in your life.
The nature and function of the kind of people you allow or permit into your life will determine if you'll succeed or struggle through life.
Unfortunately, our compassionate tendencies and lack of psychological independence make us vulnerable to allowing the very wrong people into our lives and remain. We allow ungrateful users, pretenders, abusers and exploiters remain in our lives because we feel sorry for them or because we can't handle their absence in our lives. Though they are bad for us, we still allow them remain because it's emotionally gratifying to keep them.
From Christ Society International Outreach under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
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