Frankly Speaking Blog
In a conversation with a young teenager recently I listened as with excitement she began to share with me her dreams, vision and ambition in life.
She talked about her plans and dreams regarding finance, relationship, marriage, and career success. She was very excited as she continued to speak; she began to reel out all her plans, the ideas, the step by step approach to accomplishing all she wants; the considerations and well thought out strategy and with her failure wasn't an option.
I liked her spirit and attitude to life. I was more than willing to encourage her, most teenagers aren't that thoughtful these days; they are mostly distracted by fun and entertainment, not too many of them have solid dreams, so coming across this one with a dream, I was delighted.
However, as she shared her thoughts, I had so many questions around what ifs, but I didn't say, I didn't want to quell her fire, I believed she would grow stronger as she matures to handle all my concerns.
She had it all planned out; the year she would be done with secondary school and obtain admission into the university, the course she wants to study, the number of years she'll be in the university for, her year of graduation, her grades, the year of her master's program, the year she would conclude, the year she wants to get married, the kind of man she wants to marry-his profile, looks, qualifications and relevance, the kind of organization she wants to work with, her year of starting her own company and all she plans to accomplish as a business owner.
A rubber band never fulfils its purpose until it is stretched. Everyone loves to be comfortable. We hardly want to be disturbed, inconvenienced or moved. Once we become comfortable with a circumstance, process, situation or order we don't want to change. We want to remain like that because it's really easy to remain on the same spot.
The key drivers that would compel most employees to desire promotion and change in level are financial reward, power and control. Imagine a set up where hierarchy is not in place and the income is not determined by the level of responsibility, I assure you; no one would take on any new task or responsibility. If there's no benefit tied to any position in cash or power or control, I don't see anyone fascinated about taking up such roles.
For example why would I want to take on the role of a supervisor in a team if I won't get additional income and won't be in charge of the team or anybody? The additional responsibility as a supervisor then becomes a stress factor and not a promotion.
We look over the year and suddenly it's dawning on us that the last quarter of the year is already here. In another three months or there about we would be celebrating another new year. For some it could be an exciting feeling but I believe for the majority it may not be the case.
I begin to imagine this is usually the time many of us without verbalizing these thoughts begin to assess the year and ask questions about how the year has been so far.
We begin to remember the good, the bad and the ugly. Many begin to cast minds back to the start of the year and can't help but wonder where all the fire, the passion, the zeal and determination to make the year different went to.
Some would look over the months till now and realize it's just been another several months of routine; nothing special, nothing really new, nothing spectacular; a year as usual. Everything they've seen and experienced so far in the year are natural expectations; nothing out of this world.
Yes, another birthday celebrated, meaning what, food, clothes, shelter, regular bills paid, wake up go to the office, work through the weeks, get paid, settle bills and the routine goes on and on.
I keep checking and reading and affirming the fact that every outstanding and successful person through history at a point in time had to stand alone.
No matter how wise, how clever, how magnanimous, how generous, how kind and selfless, a point came in their lives when everyone turned against them and even their loved ones abandoned them.
Kings, queens, warriors, inventors, scientists, religious leaders, sportsmen, empire builders, social reformers and revolutionists at a point in time had to take a stand and go for something everyone even their most loyal followers thought was crazy, absurd, unacceptable or extreme.
I've not seen or read about a man or woman of worth that didn't have to go through an alone moment.
As critical as it is to have people around you to help you, support you, cheer you on and favour you, a time will come when you would have to insist and stand for something and everyone else would refuse to stand with you.
Any great person willing to go very far must realise the need to make that important choice of standing by your conviction even when no one else believes with you.
Marriage is a beautiful experience at the level of thought. The thought of a man and a woman in love sharing the rest of their lives together is indeed a pleasurable experience. Living together, talking together, laughing together, sharing together, sleeping together, being excited and thrilled about each other is an experience everyone should love to have and enjoy. Marriage can really be appealing at the point of just thinking about it.
However, the responsibility, hurt, disappointment, sacrifice, tolerance and pressure that comes with marriage can sometimes be so overwhelming that some people have had to quit their marriage. Marriage as exciting and thrilling as it appears can be very demanding and at times outright frustrating. It takes maturity, endurance, humility, patience and grace to succeed in marriage.
Many of us are born with great potentials and ability to fulfil all our dreams and desires. At childhood we keep dreaming and imagining our future; bright, beautiful and full of success. We don't see, anticipate, envisage failure of any sort, we are super convinced we would accomplish all our dreams and expectations.
I do hear and see so many children in primary school today still proudly proclaim and declare their dreams, I want to be a doctor, I want to be a lawyer, I want to be an astronaut, I want to be an engineer, I want to be a business man goes all their dreams, and they say it with so much delight and positivity.
The parents look at these kids and somewhere in their minds they can only hope and pray these dreams come true for their kids. Because you see for many of these parents, they used to have such dreams too but today, their reality is so very different from the dreams they had.
All things being equal there is no way at least the majority wouldn't be living in their dreams today, but in the real world, things are never equal.
I want us to talk this morning, really let's talk. And I want us to be open and very sincere; not taking things personal, not playing the blame game or making excuses. Let's try today to beam the searchlight on ourselves; questioning our ways, routine, traditions and behaviours.
I do not have a doubt that everyone wants a good life. We all want to be comfortable and happy. We want to live a struggle free life, we all want to be free to do what will make us happy, achieve our dreams and fulfil our purpose.
We love our families; our parents, spouses, children and sincerely wish we could give them the best. We want to give the best in accommodation and home, the best in clothing; we don't want to wear worn clothes or our kids wearing worn clothes, forcing them wear clothes that no longer fit, or wearing the same outfit to every party and occasion.
I say it always and I'll say it again, the number one desire of every human being is to be happy. Everything we do, everything we want is driven by the desire to be happy always.
We go to school basically because we believe education will offer an advantage or a leverage for a kind of lifestyle that will make us happy. We go into business believing we would attain certain success levels that will attract wealth and value into our lives, consequently making us happy.
We enter into certain friendships and relationships because we believe associating, relating or being in love with such a person will make us happy, we expect the other person to make us happy.
We want money to buy and own things as this makes us happy, we want to be rich because the confidence, respect and prestige wealth brings makes us happy, we build our own shelters and homes because it makes us happy, we buy exotic cars and replace them with the latest because this makes us happy as well. We get married and bear children because for the majority, having children of their own makes them happy.
Do you know, even religion, having a deity to serve and worship, believing he's got your back and will keep, protect and provide even when all help and hope is lost is ultimately to keep you happy in and out of trouble?
As a leader, you may sometimes feel disappointed and discouraged when you set goals and tasks and at the end of the day, you fail to accomplish these goals. It gets more painful if you know you had all it took to accomplish it but somehow you just took things for granted and dealt with the matter with levity and you failed to deliver at the end of the day.
Accomplishing your mission as a leader is strongly linked to your ability to set priorities. Your ability to focus on your most important task that would deliver the highest returns indicates your discipline as a leader. Many people love to carry out the task they find exciting and interesting to do at a point in time even if it is not the most important. They prioritise easier and fun tasks because they want to do what they like not what is necessary. This attitude could cost you as a leader...
Brilliant, hardworking, goal getter, committed, passionate and on top of your job, yet the promotion is not coming as it should.
Year in year out other people probably on your level within other teams are rising and moving up the ladder very fast but your case is different. Every year you achieve something greater than the last. Your team head relies on you and believes in your ability and capacity to deliver. He calls on you in emergencies and for information and ways out; you're the first one he calls.
Every other team member respect and value your contribution. They can see how much you know and how hard you work. It's obvious by now you ought to have been promoted after so long yet it's not coming and everyone is indifferent.
You've complained to the relevant people when occasions for review and appraisals came up. They listened to your complaint and promised to do something about it. Yet nothing is being done. You're confused, perplexed and getting discouraged.
Dear friend, may I say this morning that as far as rising within your organisation is concerned; performance on the job may probably not be enough?
Yes you're good at what you do but are you good with the people you work with?
The world is changing very fast, people are changing, processes, methods, procedures, thinking, performance, results and belief systems; everything is changing. Your ability to keep up with these changes and trends however will determine your good growth, success and accomplishments in this season.
Ladies and gentlemen, cultures, tradition and native orientations today are giving way to civility, objectivity, rationality, maturity and tolerance.
Collective interest, Collective Progress, collective prosperity and collaboration, is the emerging orientation. With this generation, barriers along sentimental divides of culture, tradition, ethnicity and even religion are being broken by, especially; the educated and the exposed. Incidentally, the educated and the exposed own and would shape the future.
Dear friend, it's time for you to become exposed. Being schooled is different from been educated, being educated is not the same as being exposed and being exposed does not automatically translate to being civilised.
I've met so many graduates that don't know much, I've interacted with PhD holders with shocking beliefs and thinking, and I've met well-travelled individuals that refuse to let go of destructive traditional beliefs and cultures.
Efficient communication is the most essential aspect of sustaining a great and enduring relationship. Communication is the oil of relationships. Without efficient communication in place, there’s bound to be frequent friction and misunderstanding amongst people and teams.
Many theories and thesis have been put together on this subject communication. Through history mankind has sought to understand how to better communicate, as the importance of clear, unequivocal communication would rule out retrogression, stagnation, and slow pace of activation and minimize conflicts and wars with mankind.
Communication for years has been and still remains a major subject in academic provision. Students and scholars must learn how to communicate effectively. The ability to conceive information, encode, relay, deal with interference, decode and respond correctly remains very important and relevant as a process to all, if we want to take maximum advantage of improved communication as mankind.
Beyond verbal, nonverbal communication must also be well understood for all to be carried along in commonness and clarity of purpose.
However, for many years, many of us have learnt to express ourselves to the best of our abilities. We, by default activate the communication process and seek to obtain the desired feedback from our respondents each time we speak.
Two is better than one in matters of effort, energy and possibilities. Many matters in life can be addressed and tackled more easily and faster if many people come together to deal with them. It is called cooperation, it is called working as a group or as a team.
When two or more people come together and agree on a matter, it is very likely they will accomplish the ambition faster and better than just an individual dealing with it.
As mankind we are designed naturally to cooperate and work together. We are not really independent in life, decisions and survival. We are designed to need one another and depend on one another. No single individual in life has the power to succeed alone without help or support from others. Hence our social order of living is in family and community groups.
As important as it is to work with one another to achieve results and address challenges, it's possible to work and agree with some kind of people that can actually limit, stagnate, frustrate or even destroy your purpose and effort in life.
No one exists and succeeds in isolation. It is contrary to human nature. In fact isolation is a form of punishment, hence imprisonment is quite a part of our human system to address misconduct and vile behaviours in our society. Isolation is not good for humans, to destroy any man's confidence, guts and gusto, isolate him.
It is tough to have any reason and motivation for living when you're all alone in this world. It is repugnant to our human nature.
That is why it is natural and essential for us to exist in family and societal formats. To have villages, communities, states, countries and nations. We are wired to do things together as mankind.
Critical as this is to mankind, it can be very demanding, stressful and at times destructive relating with other humans. Human beings are the most difficult creatures to deal with on earth.
Their intelligence, power and ability to choose makes it pretty tough dealing and relating easily with people. Hence as important as it is to relate with other humans, you must employ the needed wisdom, intelligence and tact required for successful and fruitful interactions.
It was just one day, I sat down and really began to think about it. I have tried very hard to ensure I keep every major area of my life in check. Not so easy but, I choose to do the right things most times and do my best to excel. I try to manage my finances well, my career efficiently, my relationships effectively and my health in good condition. I just keep doing all I can to live a happy and comfortable life. But for a long while I kept experiencing upsets and real hurt from time to time. As much as I tried to remain happy it was difficult, so that day I had to take a look at my life and deal with the root cause of my frequent gloom.
After considering all the issues, I suddenly discovered the major source of my unhappiness. – People.
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