Frankly Speaking Blog
I think it's human for people to admire and cherish positive outcomes and results without giving much thought or embracing the realities of the process.
Almost every woman I know want to have children, they love children but they hardly think of the nine months process of bringing this desire to reality.
Many young people want to get married, they dream of being married, but they hardly consider the difficulty of cohabiting for life with that individual with a different upbringing, orientation, habit and preferences. They think of the good, the fun and the exciting, but wouldn't consider the reality of making critical life decisions with someone you lack control over his or her will to agree or disagree.
Many young people are praying for admission into the university, they are upset and sad because they're yet to obtain admission, they want to go to the university because it offers the possibility of becoming a professional apart from the fun and excitement prevalent on campus.
Truth is everything in life is neutral. There is both the good and bad inherent in every situation and experience. The positive or negative effect it has on you emotionally is based on your thinking and mindset.
Some people are desperate about marriage and some think marriage is bondage. Some people can't imagine their husbands having another lady he loves, while some women don't mind being a second, third or fourth wife; sharing the man with the others. And everybody is satisfied and happy.
So I was sitting at the departure of an airport somewhere outside the country waiting to connect a flight back to Nigeria and I had a full 6 hours to wait. I was tired and drowsy and all I wanted was to return home. I was bored and ticked off by the weather and tired of their food too. I just wanted to go home.
While trying to contain my frustration, a young lady possibly in her late twenties walked in my direction dragging her beautiful suitcase on wheels with one hand and her laptop bag clutched in the other hand. She was European, but not English judging from the tone of her skin and fancy dress sense. She was probably Spaniard or Italian, her fashion style and swag was so not English, her hair was black, healthy, long and beautiful. Her make-up was on point and enhanced her already attractive facial features. She had strong piercing bead-like light brown pupils and a great smile. She was an attractive white lady.
She walked directly towards where I sat and took the empty seat next to mine. Her fragrance was smooth and alluring and when she said hello, my guess was right about her not being English, judging by her accent.
I was bored anyway and looking for distraction so I initiated a conversation with her. She was coming to Nigeria as well so I was glad I would have company all the way back home. She was married with two lovely daughters, she lived in London with her husband who was in private practice as a wardrobe consultant. She was 28 and he was 29 and the daughters were 5 and 3. They were a happy and comfortable family.
This morning I want to share on the kind of thinking that could lift a nation out of a recession. Nation building is a collective responsibility, it's not just the obligation of the leaders. We perhaps have too many observers and critics than labourers and grinders.
In my view many people are talking, very few are sincerely building, that's why we have many wrong people managing very sensitive areas of our nationhood, because the right people only want to talk they don't want to be involved, these wrong people have the paper credentials but lack moral and ethical credentials to deliver impressive results. Many of us are willing to talk and criticise, very few are sincerely willing to join the work. Dear friend, what are you doing for Nigeria? Our 170 million population size may actually be a disadvantage when the majority of us have a sense of entitlement without a sense of responsibility to our nation.
The second to the last statement of our National pledge says “and uphold her honour and glory”. Dear friend, how are you upholding our honour as a nation? How are you bringing glory to Nigeria?
True honour and glory of any nation has to do with good success, outstanding results, unparalleled performance and masterpiece creativity in enterprise and social initiatives.
As a Nigerian, what are you doing, what are you building, what are you developing that is world class in nature? What are you investing your mind and time in that the rest of the world would have no choice but to copy?
Many of us today are very uncomfortable with the economic situation. As it were, the nation could be in a recession as all the indicators are there. Increase in unemployment, bankruptcies, declining real income, GDP index, declining industry output and negative economic performance.
Many of us are unhappy due to the adverse effect of the economy on our individual lives and wellbeing. Salaries are owed, companies downsizing, rising cost of goods and services, scarcity of funds – everything appears to be harder and tougher.
Of course the accusing finger is directed at leadership and somewhat rightly so, it is their charge and responsibility to manage the resources of the nation – both material and human resources efficiently. If they appear to be inept or sloppy at doing this, the citizens have the right to complain and cry out.
However, a nation cannot be built or efficiently managed without the required collaboration of the citizenry. As a citizen it is not appropriate to have a sense of entitlement without a sense of responsibility. I pledge to Nigeria my country to be faithful loyal and honest, to serve Nigeria with all my strength; this, ladies and gentlemen is not just a saying, it's a pledge, a promise, a vow to your nation.
You have no good excuse to sabotage or fail your fatherland, at least for the sake of your children and the next generation. You should love them enough and do what is required for them to have a better life, a better experience and pride of citizenship as Nigerians than you currently are having.
Many of us desire to see a greater Nigeria, we crave a nation we want to be proud of, but sadly we don't want to do the work required for this to be realised.
Many of us don't like hard times in life. We hope and long for times of ease, pleasure and comfort. We do not like pressure or tension. We hate pain and discomfort. This of course is understandable because of the suffering and distress induced by pain physically and psychologically. As mankind we naturally love to be comfortable.
But for us to grow and develop as humans in a society, we must cease to see pain from the perspective of hurt and discomfort alone, we must begin to see pain from the dimension of transformation and purpose.
There is a purpose for every pain as every pain carries within itself the capacity to transform and change you so as to grow you. No matter how much you hate it and can't handle it, pain is an essential aspect of human life.
Individuals who have learnt and understood pain as a necessary part of human development, growth and progress have actually conquered the fear of pain. These are people who take very high risks without fear of pain and have subsequently conquered the world to a large extent. We call them the advanced nations of the world.
The very many people and nations that hate pain, resist pain or avoid pain ironically experience the worst kind of pain owing to poverty, lack, sicknesses, disease and premature deaths.
Pain is defined as a highly unpleasant physical sensation or mental suffering caused by injury or illness. As humans, we suffer both physical and mental injuries; we do suffer at both dimensions. The unpleasant nature of pain however, is the main reason many of us avoid it.
Essential to your rapid growth and success in life are the kind of people you have in and around your life. You cannot succeed alone no matter how you try. The most respected and admired spiritual leaders in human history had to choose disciples and strong supporters for them to effectively fulfil purpose and destiny. Life has been designed for us to work with people and succeed with people no matter how imperfect human beings are.
Positing not to collaborate with anybody to achieve maximum success in life or any venture is a fallacy. It is impossible to make it alone in life. You need people.
More important than having people in your life is having the right people. All the people you have in your life today can be categorised as either assets or liabilities. Some people are really good supporters and helpers, some are just mere weights and burdens in your life.
The nature and function of the kind of people you allow or permit into your life will determine if you'll succeed or struggle through life.
Unfortunately, our compassionate tendencies and lack of psychological independence make us vulnerable to allowing the very wrong people into our lives and remain. We allow ungrateful users, pretenders, abusers and exploiters remain in our lives because we feel sorry for them or because we can't handle their absence in our lives. Though they are bad for us, we still allow them remain because it's emotionally gratifying to keep them.
When you decide to pursue your vision and chase your purpose, it confers on you the responsibility of leadership. As the vision carrier you can hardly achieve your dreams without the support and helping hand of people around you. At times however, people come into your life and join in the building and development of that dream. They demonstrate a lot of passion and commitment, they become reliable, trust worthy, dependable and loyal. But all of a sudden, these people can just decide it's time to move on. It may even be a personal decision that has nothing to do with you.
Many times committed, passionate and loyal vision supporters become difficult to control and manage because of that sense of ownership they've develop over time. Many vision supporters find it difficult to give their all and still be humble enough to submit totally to the owner of the vision. They frequently and conveniently challenge the decisions and direction of the leader. Dear leader, if such a strong supporter wants to quit, let them quit. It can be painful and somewhat emotional, still, let them go. If you let them blackmail you, arm twist you and force you to compromise on your dreams, they will eventually derail you and still leave when everything crumbles. Dear leader, if that great supporter wants to go, let him go.
So it was another morning last Monday and I was out early that morning. And as I drove around the beautiful city of Lagos, I paid attention to very many people on their way to work. Many were by the roadside waiting to board a vehicle, many were in commercial buses and taxi cabs, some were in their company buses and very many were in private cars all on their way to work or place of business.
I paid attention to all these people, I peered at their faces and observed their body language and believe me, it wasn't an encouraging observation. Nearly everyone looked very tired and unhappy. Though it was the start of a brand new working week, everyone looked very tired and overworked. No one appeared excited, motivated, inspired or happy to be on their way to work. Nearly everyone looked very tired. Some were even asleep in the cars and the ones awake were lost in thought and had this worried and distressed expression on their faces.
Lagos, a beautiful contemporary city of style, class and taste with great aquatic splendour, strong enough to inspire anyone; but the residents didn't look inspired, motivated or happy to live in such a wonderful city last Monday morning. Most people looked very tired, stressed and uninspired.
Tired on a Monday morning? Why? Why are we tired after a weekend? Hmmn.
This got me thinking and I figured many may perhaps be tired because they are working very hard, most people are working non-stop, most people are working round the clock, but the big question is where is the result of this hard work, where is the evidence?
Organisations become very successful and rich because they plan for success, profit and growth. Every year, the leadership and management of every progressive business will sit down and plan the strategy for growth, progress and profitability for their business. If they fail to do this, the business will soon die. The reason why they do this is because it's been proven over time as a wise behaviour that works.
Success and profit in life is hardly accidental, it must be planned and deliberately executed. This is how businesses grow and earn billions of dollars annually, hence become respected and valued worldwide. Successful businesses plan for success.
The same principle of planning for profit business organisations apply to become multibillion dollar worth is the same principle you need as a person to become a multibillionaire. Your personal success, profiting and growth must be planned if you want to be great and successful in life. If it works for business enterprises, it will definitely work for you as an individual.
Becoming a billionaire in life is very easy if you have your personal plans for success, profit and healthy growth into billions. Unfortunately, many of us have no personal plans, strategy or ambition for multibillion dollar successes. We mostly think of survival and that's all we get – survival. Many of us can never become legitimate billionaires not because it's impossible but because we cannot attract into our lives what we don't think about, plan for and work for in this life.
Many of us have experienced losses in our lives in time past. We've lost very precious things, people, relationships and opportunities. Many of us can even now begin to remember that good friend that we lost, relationships that we lost, marriages that we lost, jobs that we lost, businesses that we lost, positions that we lost and good feelings we can't connect with any longer.
Many of us, by the reason of some tough things we went through have lost our confidence, our pride, our self-esteem and our happiness. Many of us have lost many valuable things in time past in our lives.
Dear friend, truth is, your ability to obtain and retain most things in your life is not about luck or good fortune but personality. If you really think about it, most of the things you gained and lost in your life must have been a matter of coincidence and happenstance.
Being right is very important to your present and future success as an individual, do you do the right things or the easier stuff? Let's talk about that this morning; that way that seems right.
A truth that some of us Nigerians are disregarding today is that our current pressures and challenges as a nation is not a cause, but a consequence of many years of mistakes, mismanagement, wrong choices, irresponsibility and bad behaviours.
Today, we are paying the price of not doing things the right way and seeking purely after pleasure and easier ways out, not disciplined and proper ways of doing things.
In this life, no matter how prolonged a season of wrong doing, one day we shall be confronted with the consequences of our choices.
Collectively and as individuals, many of us are paying the price of the past and we are actually not victims of the current as many people insinuate.
One development I'm so pleased with though is the alertness of the electorate, Nigerians have woken up suddenly and they are beginning to question and interrogate the activities and policies of the elected, it's a sign of growing democracy.
One of the members of my mentoring and live class brought her friend to me for counselling during one of our meetings. A very good looking young lady in her late twenties, definitely not 30, a chartered accountant working with a leading multinational. She’s done very well for herself judging by the look of her skin, the cost of her hair extension, her outfit, shoes and jewellery. Her car keys revealed she drove one of the latest Japanese brand SUVs, and as we began to talk this became clearer as she actually lives in her own apartment in an exquisite location on the island and she’s catering for two of her younger siblings living with her who are undergraduates at expensive private universities.
Her friend, a member of my life class actually brought her for counselling because this beautiful, upwardly mobile twenty something year old lady is a victim of physical abuse courtesy her boyfriend, who’s about 10 years older than she is.
This boyfriend, has no job, no income and no direction in life. He has moved into her apartment also and she practically pays for everything he wants. On top of this ridiculous and unfair situation, this so called boyfriend is quick to hit her at the drop of a hat. He is very aggressive and abusive.
Today, many of us are running helter skelter, up and down, back and forth in search of means for survival. We work really hard, hustling everyday just to make enough cash to pay our bills.
Basic needs is our entire commitment, we need a roof over our heads, food in our stomach, clothes on our back, comfortable means of transportation, communication and of course education.
We want to provide for ourselves, our families and possibly extended relatives. We also covet social relevance, we want to belong to a group of friends and associates with whom we share many views in life, culture, religion and survival – we seek social acceptance and we want to be loved and admired by all. These factors drive us daily as we go on with our lives.
These have become goals and priorities for many and so long as we're able to cope and maintain, we feel all is well.
The psychologist, Abraham Maslow in his theory of Man's hierarchy of needs stated the first three needs as physiological needs – that's food, clothes and shelter, the next is safety and security, then love and the desire to belong.
For as many as are willing to embrace the truth about humanity and life in general, you would agree with me that the spirit realm is very real and most of what we see in the physical are matters already concluded and firmed up in the spiritual.
Mankind is essentially a spiritual being, possessing a soul and living in a body. Without your spirit, your soul cannot function and without your spirit, your body becomes lifeless no matter how healthy every part of your physical body is.
The spirit drives the physical, the spirit controls the physical; the spirit realm determines the outcomes in our physical realm. Almost all religions believe, subscribe and have many times proven the existence and exciting intervention of the spirit realm in our physical or material realm. The spirit realm is real and extremely active. The invisible controls the visible, what is unseen determines that which is seen.
Against this backdrop, it is therefore wisdom to pay attention to the realm of the spirit. You must endeavour to connect and have an understanding of what may be going on in the spirit realm. This may not really require spiritual consultations or getting spiritual leaders to make inquiries for you, no, it's a matter of observing the times and from what you see, you'll have a clue regarding the direction of life in our realm based on the program and activities initiated by the spirit realm.
Leadership like I'd always say is not just about occupying a superior position of power or authority. It's possible to occupy such positions and not be able to lead anyone.
It's about the capacity to influence others to collaborate with you without force or coercion in the pursuit and accomplishment of specified tasks, objectives or a vision.
It's the ability to sacrifice and inspire sacrifice from supporters and followers for the purpose of achieving a pre-determined aim.
Leadership is not an option but a compulsory attribute for anyone interested in succeeding in this life.
No one can actually make it alone through life, hence, your ability to inspire and influence all the people you need through your life's journey to support and contribute to accomplishing your personal vision and goals is leadership.
From Christ Society International Outreach under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
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