- Muyiwa Afolabi
- Mon, 09 November, 2015 10:55:35 AM
HOW TO BE IN CHARGE OF YOUR OWN HUSBAND - OPINION
Too many married women today are tired of the conduct and behaviours of their husbands. They’ve tried all they can to keep him faithful, loyal and honest but keep failing. Many have tried ‘love’, threat, blackmail, embarrassment, harassment, nagging and even reporting him to relevant authorities, yet he’s refused to change.
Many have tried prayer and fasting and are tired, the guy appears to be getting worse. At the end, many wives have given up and come to the conclusion all men are like that; you can’t ‘tame’ or make them behave well, so they let them be and just focus on themselves and the children.
Dear sister, your marriage is between you and your husband not you and the children. You have every right to enjoy your husband and to enjoy your marriage. You’re supposed to be in it forever so you might as well not give up and do the needful to find your happiness, fulfilment and peace in your own husband.
There are two fundamental truths many women do not know or have refused to accept about men. In as much as they keep rejecting these facts, they’ll keep struggling with their husbands. These facts are as follows:
- Men are emotionally weaker than women. Men are physically stronger, but emotionally weaker than women. A man can marry and put four women in the same house; sleeping with them and all having babies for him. The women have the emotional stamina to handle it, some even love and care for their step children. But I’ve not seen that man who can emotionally share his wife with another man; all living in the same house and the woman birthing babies for all the men! I don’t suppose any man has the emotional capacity to handle that; I don’t think your husband can, he will kill somebody (laughs). Men are emotionally weaker than women.
- Men tend to marry whom they really want and like. Most men choose, they are not compelled, their bride is their choice. Hence, they are more genuine and truthful when they claim to love their wives. This is not the case with many women however. Most women married the ‘best’ suitor that was available when they were ready for marriage, not whom they really wanted. Women can’t really choose as it were, many only accepted the best of all their suitors when they were ready, and that best may be very far from the husband of their dreams. They may have sworn never to marry a short, fat, black, ugly man for example, but if he’s on their case and he is kind and generous and the ‘desirable is not available’, they settle for him; they marry and accept him like that. So most men choose whom they want but women mostly settle for who is available when they are ready, then decide to start loving him.
Now with these basic facts, I’ll want to share with you 6 basic truths about your husband and how to take charge of him:
- Your husband is a baby. Men hardly outgrow the love, attention, care and petting of their mothers. Your husband should be your ‘first child’. If you make the mistake of thinking he’s ‘an adult’ because he’s 10 years older than you are, you’ll lose him to a girl 10 years younger than you are who calls him ‘baby’ and treats him like one. Your husband wants to be your baby, treat him as one, pet him; treat him like your little child.
- Your husband wants a friend. What do you think men do when they ‘hang out with the guys’? They gist. If you want your husband to pay you attention, listen to him, be his best friend. Gist with him, be interested in what he’s interested in. Sports, gadgets, business, money, movies, politics and even babes! If when you were courting he abandoned all his guy friends to spend time with you, don’t you think there’s a reason why he’s returned to them? He misses the gist! Create it for him; let his friends make your house their meeting point because your husband wants to stay home with you. Be his best friend.
- Your husband is Afraid. He may not say it but he’s afraid of the future. He’s afraid of his responsibilities, he’s afraid of uncertainties, he’s afraid of failing as a man. Will he achieve his dreams, his purpose; his ambition? Your husband is afraid. Please don’t make it worse by always calling his attention to friends and contemporaries doing better than he is. When he does, make it light and tell him his time and glory too will come soon. Stop discussing bills, money matters and material things every time. Don’t complain, don’t nag and don’t scare him. Thank him and appreciate him EVERYDAY for his effort in providing and caring for the family no matter how little. I promise you, he will endeavour to do more.
- Your husband wants to brag. Your husband wants you to remain as beautiful and as attractive as you were when he married you if not more attractive. He wants to boast and brag to other men and women about his wife’s beauty. He wants to show you off at every opportunity. Men subconsciously compare their wives to every lady they met, younger girls or her mates especially in beauty. Please remain beautiful and very sexy. Don’t dress as you like, dress as he likes. Shed the weight, take care of your skin, fix your hair, shave and be stylish. If you don’t you may blame yourself eventually. Be sexy and hot.
- Your husband loves cleanliness. Even a dirty man wants a clean wife and a clean home. His home is his palace; his abode. If his home is dirty and smelly he won’t be eager to come home. He won’t be eager to invite friends home. Having a baby or a toddler is not a good reason for your apartment to perpetually stink of urine and baby food. Men love cleanliness; a clean wife, a clean home; even the dirty ones.
- Lastly, your husband wants a spiritual wife. Even the ‘rascals’ want wives that would constantly pray for them. If your husband sees you as his spiritual security. He will really respect you and love you dearly. Your spirituality should also make you realise no man is perfect; forgiveness and tolerance work like magic. When you forgive your husband he feels indebted to you, when you don’t, he’ll feel insecure and may run to his mother or another woman that may seem to provide security for him and from you. Secure him spiritually.
This is how to take charge of your own husband, try it, it will work. God bless – Muyiwa Afolabi