As mankind we're too self-preserving, sensitive and judgmental to be considerate, loving and caring in life. We always look out for people, associations, relationships and involvements that would hold good benefits for us. We usually would shy away from any person or group we feel wouldn't pay us good returns.
We criticize and judge people for habits, behaviors and wrong doings we are not guilty of. Should we be guilty of same, our opinion and views would most likely differ.
Anyway, its human nature to gravitate towards peace, joy, convenience and comfort than heartaches, stress, issues and problems, but not so with Deolu.
Deolu, a very responsible fine gentleman one day went for a haircut at a very sophisticated salon around his new neighborhood. He had just relocated to that estate and needed to cut his hair so this very well packaged and structured hair dressing and barbing salon caught his fancy.
As difficult as it may seem, love should be what love actually is. Not what we think or feel it should be. Over and over, I've questioned myself and other folks who are in love about what they think love is and what it really should be. Many people I've asked would always tell me love is a feeling. Hmmm. Love a feeling? This particular response worries me because if love is a feeling, it is then not sufficient to sustain the institute of marriage because feelings do change. Every feeling is an emotional reaction to an experience and these reactions keep changing based on the varying experience an individual passes through.
When your external experience is pleasant, you're happy, when it's not pleasant you're unhappy, when it is upsetting, you're angry, when it is pleasurable, you're glad.
Your moment by moment experience determines your feelings towards someone or something.
Now love of course has embedded in it a feeling of warmth and affection towards the person you love. But warmth, passion and affection does not also naturally translate to love.
Andrew woke up much earlier that Monday morning than usual, he was too excited to sleep deep overnight, he kept waking up at intervals, he kept turning and tossing on the bed. By four thirty he was already up. Thank God there was power supply that morning; he didn't have to go put on the small generator at the back of his small room he rented in the face me I face you 12 room structure. He could hear mama Tope; the next room neighbour getting ready to prepare her bean cake for sales that morning, she was already in the corridor washing the beans and her daughter Tope was already grumbling and whining as usual due to early rising to help her widowed mother.
Andrew got up, went into the compound and picked up his metal bucket placed at the entrance to his own room and went to fill it with water from the central tap in the compound. He returned with the bucket filled with water, brought it into the room, dipped his boiling ring in the bucket full of water and began to boil the water.Andrew got up, went into the compound and picked up his metal bucket placed at the entrance to his own room and went to fill it with water from the central tap in the compound.
Many today may not be too happy or excited about their lives because they are not living their dreams. Their experience today, daily endeavors and life quality is very different from what they anticipated, expected and planned for.
Many times we plan, work hard, pray and strife to achieve certain goals and accomplish certain feats in life and somehow it doesn't just gel or come to pass. The more we try, the more we struggle the further it appears our dreams are far removed from us.
Consequently we settle for what we have and make do with what we're left with. We look jealously at other who appear to be getting it all right and having it all together and we're unhappy wondering what the problem is with us, why we can't accomplish what others appear to be accomplishing seamlessly.
We become angry at life and cranky with others, we complain, we nag and blame everyone and everything for our failures and lack of good success in life.
Biola couldn't tolerate her ranting and complaints any longer, she kept talking and complaining and accusing him of all sorts. He's reassured her over and over again it's not what she thinks but she wouldn't see reason with him, he had listened to her try to rationalize her suggestion and win the argument, realizing she was not making any headway, she began to attack him, accuse him of very weird things and even resort to blackmail by crying, Biola wouldn't listen to her, he cut the phone line, stood up from his work station, picked up his already packed laptop and briefcase and he walked out of his office towards the parking lot.
As he walked towards his car in the parking lot, his phone began to ring again, it was Ekky, his girlfriend, she was calling again, he refused picking up and just let the phone ring.
He opened the back door of the car, sank in the back seat and his driver began to maneuver around the big parking lot of the company towards the exit gate heading home.
Many of us tonight may be victims of the future. Many of us are not very excited and happy about the future. We are held captive in fear about what the future probably holds or portends for us.
We've lived our lives thus far experiencing different things through our journeys, some experiences are good, some are bad and some are outright tragic. We've rejoiced, celebrated, danced and partied, yet we've cried, hurt, mourned and experienced depression and heartaches. The reality is, we've come through all the seasons and were still here.
Many times when bad things happen, when we hurt, when we go through very painful experiences, in the middle of it, it seem as though the pain wouldn't go away and the hurt would never end. We assume we would never recover and the hurt, pain and damage would leave us permanently damaged. If the experience is as bad as the sudden loss of a loved one to death, marital failure, relationship failure, infidelity, accident, sicknesses leading to permanent deformity and the likes, the victims at that point in time assume they would never be happy again. They conclude doom and gloom is their portion and experience for the rest of their lives.
One of the most frequently asked questions by many people which appears not to have any answer is why there is so much pain in this world. Why do we hurt, why do we have to feel pain, why should we go through so much negativities, disappointments, hurtful emotions?
Why is life so cruel? Why are people so cruel? Why are people full of hate and disregard for the emotions and feelings of other people? Why are people so selfish and indifferent to the consequence of their negative actions on other people?
Why is life so treacherous? Why is the future unpredictable? Why is there so much fear, insecurity, panic, worry, tension and natural disasters all around?
Must we suffer loss of any kind; in friendship, in finances, material things, employment and even loss of lives?
When we look at life at times you wonder if all the hustle and bustle is worth it at the end of the day; you wonder if it's not all empty and chasing after the wind.
You were all by yourself, trying to make sense of your life, your daily routine, your activities as you work hard towards the future. You were happy in your world, being by yourself, doing what makes you happy and brings you excitement. Then suddenly they show up. You didn't invite them, you were just minding your own business but they show up all the same. And they begin to speak to you and talk to you and confide in you and compliment you and sing your praise and tell how wonderful you are, how good you make them feel and how you have become very important to them and their happiness.
Initially you're skeptical, you're indifferent sometimes even irritated by all they're doing and saying; it comes across as suspicious and as though there is a different agenda from what they're portraying.
You're trying to believe them but something on your inside says be careful, all this looks to perfect and flawless to be true. You try to ignore this person and all the drama and suddenly other people around begin to talk to you as well and encourage you to give the person a chance to allow such a person into your world, into your private life into your business.
The system of this world sustaining existence, co-existence and survival is strongly tied to value exchange. I do not have everything I need to survive and succeed in this world. You do not have all you need to survive and succeed in this world. For me to survive and succeed, for you to survive and succeed, I need something you have and I have something you need; so we must engage in exchange for everyone to survive and succeed. That is the frame work and design in global systems of commerce and social development.
Poverty I believe is not about lack or insufficiency, poverty is about access. There are more than enough resources in this world to go round such that every human being is a millionaire. The real challenge is how everyone can access this wealth? Because accessing wealth comes through the medium of exchange; individuals and establishments that engage in the highest rate of exchange are the ones who eventually become very rich. When you have something to offer and very many people are interested in your offer, they will pay you for it and you will become rich.
I look at life, I look at you and I see many people carry so much hurt and pain. Many people are hurting so much on the account of all kinds of relationships gone badly. Many cry, many are depressed, sad and lonely. Many are so afraid, they can't trust, confide or believe anyone anymore. Many are victims of depression, loneliness, hurt and pain and everyone keeps going about as though all is well and life is beautiful.
Truth is we all don't really know one another; if we take our time to pay close attention you will see the struggle in each life; the attempt to cover up some deep rooted hurt, frustration, disappointment and emotional injury.
Many today are just looking out desperately for distractions here and there; looking for that which would temporarily take their minds off their cold realities. The very painful experience that has jolted them to the roots of their being; an experience so painful and traumatic it's totally transformed their being; the hurt, the betrayal, the deception. Hmmmm.
Recently I was in discussion with a few young bachelors. We were talking about life in general, survival in Nigeria, the ease of making ends meet and how to succeed in life. One of them attended my last seminar on success with family, finance and the future. He began to share some of the lessons and values I shared and he asked for further clarification on an ideology I advocated.
His friends too found it a bit confusing and I had to explain to them again what exactly I meant. Incidentally according to them and based on my observation, there is an orientation that is rife and popular right now and it absolutely contravenes the real essence, purpose and balance in marriage.
I have been criticized by so many people about my stand on this matter but I understand their reasons for criticizing me. It's because the situation is in their favour; to their advantage and they wouldn't want to align with objectivity.
It's all about marriage in purpose and responsibility. I've heard it often said by many parents to their female children that they should do all they can to succeed in school and get a good job because nowadays men don't want to marry a woman who's a liability.
It was almost 11 pm before Titi returned from the office that Friday evening, Femi had slept off lying on the coach in the living room and David was fast asleep on lying on his chest. The TV was still on, they had been watching Disney XD till they both slept off. Titi's knock on the door woke Femi up with a start; he looked up at the wall clock sharply and saw it was almost 11 pm. David was fast asleep still on his chest and was already sweating profusely.
Femi, got up slowly at the same time gently carried David and laid him down again on the sofa, he didn't wake up; David kept on sleeping.
Femi walked to the door and opened, Titi rushed into the living room and hugged him pleading seriously for pardon, ‘I'm so so sorry I'm late’ she began to plead, there was so much to be done in the office, we had visitors from Namibia, and we had to conclude the deal and seal off the project tonight as they are bound to return first thing in the morning of tomorrow, I'm so sorry, she said this and kept planting kisses on his cheeks, she didn't even wait for a response or feedback from him, she flung off her high heel shoes, dropped her handbag and her laptop bag on a nearby sofa and rushed off to the kitchen to make dinner.
It's an experience I suppose every person may need to become really seasoned when it comes to heart matters. It's a natural feeling and experience for every regular human being. You just wake up one day and you run into her. At times you sense something special may evolve from the meeting and some other times you have no clue. You meet her and you begin to chat and relate and talk some more and relate and after a while you begin to realize something is happening to you.
You see it's always an experience not the individual, love is always an experience. It's a feeling, and its much less about the person and much more about what you experience, it's about how the person makes you feel not really the person in person if you know what I mean.
Okay, so you meet this girl, you take a good look at her; you find her exciting, interesting appealing, she's your kind of lady, you like the way she talks, you like the way she walks, you like the way she does her stuff and you enjoy her company. You clique, you flow, you connect, there's chemistry, and most impressively you realize she wants you too.
As a human being, as mankind we are naturally created to be social. We are wired to interact, to relate and to co-exist with one another. We are communal by nature, we are affectionate, passionate and we have very strong yet tender feelings for one another. We love family, siblings, parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews and nieces, grandparents all constitute our immediate social contacts. We love them, we appreciate them, we value them and want them around.
Their opinions, views, feelings, counsel, and situation matters to us. We care about the way they all feel and how we make them feel. We are raised to be sensitive and considerate, to love, care and be kind to all. Values and behaviors outside of this are not acceptable in any family. It is not applauded or accepted to hurt anyone dear or close. It is not good.
However as mankind we are not perfect, we don't get it right all the time, there are many occasions when and where what we want for ourselves would becloud or ability to think objectively and be fair to all parties.
Sometimes, giving up is not necessarily a sign of weakness, it could actually mean you're strong; it could mean you're strong enough, and you have the inner strength to let go.
Holding on to something that is capable of hurting you, destroying you or derailing your life is not a sign of maturity; it's actually an indication of weakness.
When you give up your right to joy, peace and happiness in order to please someone who knows you really love her and is using your feelings against you, you are not been strong; you're being weak.
Real strength is not in the size and flex of your muscles; it's in your mind; your emotions. Emotional strength and stability is the true indication of maturity. The discipline not to be ruled by feelings but by logic even when you really feel different is maturity.
Being matured is not always doing what is pleasant, convenient or easy. It's actually going contrary to what you really feel like doing, to do what you really should do.
From Christ Society International Outreach under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under:
From Frankly Speaking With Muyiwa Afolabi under: